Besieged

L

Lichen

Well-known member
I'm staying with friends in South Africa. We're under seige by a troop of Baboons.


Twice I've found the alpha male crouched on the kitchen counter working his way through the fruit bowl. Despite being threatened with a large stool and shouted at, he will not leave until he's polished off the bowl's contents AND loaded his hairy arms with as much as they'll carry. Loaves of bread, Rice Krispies; you name it.


When they're not raiding the kitchen they're loafing around outside the house, fighting, shagging and sneering at you like teenagers when you walk by.

Meanwhile, a political storm is brewing in the community. Our presesnce represents an incursion into their territory....they were here first....but for people with children it's a little scary. TC Boyle writes about similar issues with Coyotes in the Holywood hills.
 
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M

martin

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Lichen said:
I'm staying with friends in South Africa. We're under seige by a troop of Baboons.


Twice I've found the alpha male crouched on the kitchen counter working his way through the fruit bowl. Despite being threatened with a large stool and shouted at, he will not leave until he's polished off the bowl's contents AND loaded his hairy arms with as much as they'll carry. Loaves of bread, Rice Krispies; you name it.


When they're not raiding the kitchen they're loafing around outside the house, fighting, shagging and sneering at you like teenagers when you walk by.

Meanwhile, a political storm is brewing in the community. Our presesnce represents an incursion into their territory....they were here first....but for people with children it's a little scary. TC Boyle writes about similar issues with Coyotes in the Holywood hills.
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I'm afraid, Lichen, the only solution to this problem is all-out violence - it's the only language baboons understand. To avoid falling prey to some nightmarish 'Straw Dogs' scenario, you'll simply have to gather your fortitude and the most lethal weaponry at your disposal, and strike hard against these tormentors, deploying the utmost brutality. Sentimentality isn't an option, the backlash must be bloody and decisive, and utterly sickening in its amoral ruthlessness. I'm not talking a few potshots with an airgun, rather explosives, flame throwers, torture and decapitation. Good luck!
 
nomos

nomos

Administrator
photo #2 reminds me of a landlord i had. used sex as a sonic weapon to drive us out so he could raise the rent.
 
M

mms

sometimes
blowtorch the bastards.
that's how i treat invading robins which we often get in the finsbury park area, often getting up especially early for the dawn chorus, some people like to me it's like nails on a blackboard
 
M

martin

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mms said:
blowtorch the bastards.
that's how i treat invading robins which we often get in the finsbury park area, often getting up especially early for the dawn chorus, some people like to me it's like nails on a blackboard
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They're abysmal, as a nearby resident I certainly second MMS' recommendation to turn up the heat on the feathered filth.

Would this be a good point to admit that my favourite sport after football and ice speedway is bullfighting?
 
M

mms

sometimes
martin said:
They're abysmal, as a nearby resident I certainly second MMS' recommendation to turn up the heat on the feathered filth.

Would this be a good point to admit that my favourite sport after football and ice speedway is bullfighting?
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it's their puffed up napoleonesque arrogance and their bizarre and fear enducing caterwauling that gets me.

Same goes for bees, it's necessary to smash their tiny heads in before they get too self important. Sure they're got honey, but that's just bee sick with some smoke and mirrors style marketing speil attached, we're supposed to be grateful for that?
 
M

martin

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Lichen said:
I'm staying with friends in South Africa. We're under seige by a troop of Baboons.
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Any updates, Lichen? I've got an image of your wife and daughter turning the basement into a DIY molotov cocktail factory, you keeping watch at the shattered kitchen window, wielding an assault rifle, a ripped trouser leg tied around a flesh wound on your arm, caked in sweat, blood and dust, a baboon's severed head on a pole outside the front door...waiting for the next inevitable attack...your friend's wife suddenly screaming "I CARN'T STAND THIS, I'M MYKING A RUN FOR IT, WE'RE ALL DOOWMED"...him slapping her across the chops, "CARM DOWN, YOU STEWPID WUMAN"....sorry, I'm shit at South African accents....
 
STN

STN

sou'wester
Does anyone remember that badger that ran amok in Evesham and trapped a family in their home by patrolling round it, snarling at them?
 
M

mms

sometimes
STN said:
Does anyone remember that badger that ran amok in Evesham and trapped a family in their home by patrolling round it, snarling at them?
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my school was under seige from a raging bull from the nearby cattle market that had escaped once..
It was a most exciting day i've ever had at school, we were all kept inside while police marksmen patrolled the grounds, and a cop helicopter landed on the footie pitch, they eventually shot the thing as it was bonkers and quite dangerous, we got on the tsw news
 
STN

STN

sou'wester
mms said:
my school was under seige from a raging bull from the nearby cattle market that had escaped once..
It was a most exciting day i've ever had at school, we were all kept inside while police marksmen patrolled the grounds, and a cop helicopter landed on the footie pitch, they eventually shot the thing as it was bonkers and quite dangerous, we got on the tsw news
Click to expand...

That's bloody amazing! Nothing like that ever happened at my school. It was besieged by a bus driver who was keen to know who had thrown fruit at his bus once but other than that very little besieging went on.
 
L

Lichen

Well-known member
Any updates, Lichen?



"Lichen" is tied up in the basement whimpering, his children have been assimilated, his wife is our slave.

Claudius

Revolutionary Baboon Army, Cape Town Branch
 
sufi

sufi

lala
hmmm 1st dissensus hostage situation...
whip-round for the lichen release fund anyone?
cyborg%20baboon.0.jpg
does claudius accept paypal?? can we request footage on youtube?
 
Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
All this thread needs is some input from Toccowich and it'd be enough to make me explode from an overdose of awesome.

Perhaps the baboons are agents of the Danish mind-control Illumi-Nazi Satanists?
 
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