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Best you don't look up "Specials Plus Two".

I used to get this with the old Calor gas heaters. Loved the sound they gave off, like a cross between a low-rumble cat purr and a distant avalanche.

Rickie Lambert is right. This is why, if you go to a pub and a miserable cunt's behind the bar, you should exit and find a better pub - their sour vibes poison the booze. You'll literally be drinking pints of their bile.

Even at her most fucked up (the Belgrade gig/carcrash), Amy was never as embarrassing as Adele bursting out of her Jamaica flag bra. Thought she was West Ham? Might be wrong, but wouldn't put it past a Metro hack to get the colours mixed up.

Sadly not...but I once accompanied my frail mother to Xmas Eve midnight mass and some old duffer barged into her in the line for communion, and I had to be held back from breaking his walking stick across his baldy head and ramming both pieces up his fucking arse, the cunt 🤬👊

Calm down, dear.

I also found this on Twitter, which is miles better

I tried earlier, but it was having major problems with the chariot, sword and fleeing Muslims (probably didn't help I was using a free generator that only gives you 20 pics a day). So I went for a simpler portrait of Kate with a trident, defending the Cenotaph, backed by Tommy Robinson and a...

Easter Sunday: ear-piercing thundercrack across London as she bursts out of the Cenotaph in a chariot, in full military dress, wielding a trident and the Sword of Mordaunt, and purges the land of Islam. Either that, or she was about to warn David Icke that Meghan's daughter Lilibet is actually...

One of my favourite bands is Slaughter & The Dogs...I've always enjoyed their Do It Dog Style LP and Cranked Up Really High/The Bitch 7". Was shocked today to discover there were 2 more Cranked Up... outtake songs I'd never heard. I could have easily picked 'em up on a cheapo odds 'n' sods CD...

This is one of my pet hates - like those wankers who claim dolphins and whales aren't fish. Go on, make a fruit salad or a trifle with some tomatoes. Was going to post Baked Beans & Egg by Macka B but someone will probably pop up going "Beans aren't vegetables, they're legumes!". So you're...

Guess the UK entry won't be the lowest ranked this year, even though the video looks like a crack addict having a seizure.

The biscuit world equivalent of a stamped dove.

Yep that's the one. Maybe it's just one cow, now I'm looking at it. (was just about to do a Sotos parody about crawling around glory holes for jaffa cake crumbs...prob best you deleted it, lol)

The one with the two cows stamped on it. Trademark of quality. I quite liked the matcha Kit Kat and another mad Jap flavour, think it was apple pie? @sufi , I couldn't enjoy a biscuit like that, reminds me of missing children posters. @william_kent We also had a work tradition of bringing...

When I was 17, I thought music journalism would be a good way of avoiding an honest day’s work. Then I saw Bjork and PJ Harvey doing a cover of Satisfaction at the 1994 Brit Awards and thought: maybe not. But then, in 2007, I landed my dream job – on the hip London style ’n’ culture bible...

83: VARIOUS – “CHEAP AND NASTY VOL 1” LP ‘Canned Maggot Records -Made In Hackney’?? ‘Sleevenotes by ALF GARNET’??? Must be another megadose of the sort of mind-rotting PUNK ROCK muck that drives Mojo hacks to tears. In this case, ‘Alf Garnet’ was listed Londoner DAVE FERGUSON, king of the...

84: JJ BURNEL - "FREDDIE LAKER/DO THE EUROPEAN" OK, this is really Stranglers bassist Jean-Jacque Burnel’s Euroman Cometh solo LP, but I tend to skip the other nine tracks: these two would have made a great 12”. The other songs aren’t completely awful, but the album’s basically junk-sick...

I don't think he dared reference Lockerbie, but yeah, 'hotter than a barbecue in Fred West's back garden' was his style. He also used to go on and on about Jo Brand and Gerry Adams.