Absurdities while drunk

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
What is the most ridiculous thing you have done whilst under the influence? My friend last night reminded me of the absurd time he broke into someone's else's house and saw everything 'from outside' while someone proceeded to beat seven shades of shit out of him, and equally last night I may have sent some texts i really, really, really shouldn't have, whilst 'otherwise engaged'.
 

STN

sou'wester
What is the most ridiculous thing you have done whilst under the influence? My friend last night reminded me of the absurd time he broke into someone's else's house and saw everything 'from outside' while someone proceeded to beat seven shades of shit out of him, and equally last night I may have sent some texts i really, really, really shouldn't have, whilst 'otherwise engaged'.

what were they, these texts?

I once threw a fire extinguisher out of a window, which I bitterly, bitterly regret.
 

vimothy

yurp
Too many to list.

Woke up hung-over in Ashton police station on Christmas morning a couple of years ago. Oi-oi, I thought. Asked a copper what I was in for. Drink driving, says he. Drink driving--but I can't drive and I don't have a car! :eek:

Also woke up in a completely empty Bradford Rios at three in the morning with the alarms going off...
 

cobretti

[-] :: [-] ~ [-] :: [-]
I have a terrible habit of forgetting what's going on, even when I'm not that drunk. I've never once gotten in a fight, caused bother with anyone or ended up in trouble with the police, but on one occasion I was walking home from a club with a mate of mine, and half way home I think "What the fuck am I doing with this handbag?" I looked through it to try and determine who it belonged to, then I found my girlfriend's perfume and thought "Why the fuck is this in here?". Woke up in the morning with my bird going apeshit because some labourer had phoned her mum saying he'd found her daughter's bag in a sketchy lane in the middle of Glasgow. Cue a horrible taxi journey to the other side of the city to collect the bag, feeling guilty as fuck the whole way there. To make matters worse, I spent the whole journey trying not to be sick, and I was successful until I got home, where I emptied my stomach almost immediately. My girlfriend was pretty raging.

I still don't know why I did it, why I had her bag in the first place, why I didn't recognise it as her bag from the look or the contents. I don't know why I brought home the perfume and nothing else, or why I left the bag in this sketchy lane, or why I was even there in the first place. I doubt I ever will.
 

scottdisco

rip this joint please
corkers all, people. :eek:

i was drunk recently and thought i was doing the taxi-driver a favour if i didn't ask him to stop and therefore prolong the journey time, therefore cutting into his ability to start his next fare asap, so rather than ask him to stop threw up - politely i think - all down my jeans, thoughtfully not getting a splash on the car, barely.

he stopped anyway, said 'mate you should have just got me to pull over', and then promptly charged me more for being sick anyway before depositing me in a heap on the Cheetham Hill Road. hic! i know that mosque.

another time i threw up in a taxi in a less thoughtful manner and my mate was trying to argue the toss that the sick was already there when we got in. unfortunately, his game act of solidarity was rumbled when the journey ended and the lights came on and we discovered it was all over me.

i voluntarily left the jumping bar of some hostel me and a load of mates were staying in, in Munich, in the spring, was so confused that i couldn't get back in as had no key-card and ended up walking to a very nice hotel around the corner and putting on the credit card a room for the night that cost more than the three nights booked in the hostel. the shower the next morning was nice mind.
the three lads i was with in the lads' room didn't notice i was gone, as they assumed a sleeping Frenchman, w his back turned, in one of the bunks was me.

the four girls we were travelling with (they in their own room) were the only ones who appeared arsed.

on my first night as a fresher at uni i got fairly tipsy and lost my keys to my room, so ended up sleeping in a broom cupboard on a high-chair. the lads in the dorm called me Latch for about the next six months after that. needless to say the keys turned up at day-break.

the Bishop of Southwark drunkenly throwing kid toys out of the back window of a car is comedy gold. what did he tell the officer when his ride was pulled over?

oh that's right, "I'm the Bishop of Southwark, it's what i do".

a bloke who had just got out of Strangeways (we never got around to what for) punched me in a pub once, hard. i had genuinely not done anything and was sober.

he wasn't.

i was also sober when threatened w a nicking by federal agents in downtown Philadelphia last year (managed to avoid that, thankfully), though being drunk would've made more sense.
 

mistersloane

heavy heavy monster sound
.

Woke up hung-over in Ashton police station on Christmas morning a couple of years ago. Oi-oi, I thought. Asked a copper what I was in for. Drink driving, says he. Drink driving--but I can't drive and I don't have a car! :eek:

Genius
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Awesome list, Scott - I take my, er, traffic cone off to you. :)

Well remembered about the Bishop of Southwark, that was mental!

Much sympathy for Cobretti...women can be so unreasonable, can't they?
 

scottdisco

rip this joint please
[...]Awesome list, Scott - I take my, er, traffic cone off[...]

cheers Tea. a mate and i got in some hot water in Stoke once during our Keele days when attempting to walk some cones and a large traffic sign along a busy road late one night.

drunken undergrads normally get away w their cone related balloonery, no?

got to second Sloane, Vim's waking up on Christmas day in a Tameside cop shop will take some beating.

i almost don't want any more details than what we've been told ;)
 

PeteUM

It's all grist
Broke into a court house once. Admittedly I sensibly/chickenshittedly hung back while my mates rampaged through the courtroom but I've still got the Chairman Of The Court sign thingy. Another time we ended up chasing a police car in another car but that was a mushrooms occasion and a long story...
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Speaking of drunken undergrad shenanigans, reminds me of a brief episode a sobering decade ago when I was staggering back to halls in Camden with my two new friends Tom and Matt. We passed a collection of temporary traffic signs that weren't in use and of course we thought well, we can't not...so we're walking up Camden Road with our prizes when a police car comes up from behind. Tom and I drop ours in time but Matt is ahead and hasn't noticed...bobbies get out and start talking to him when Tom walks up with a sort of "I'll handle this!" air and says "Don't mind him officer, he's on mind-bending substances".

I love the smell of facepalm in the morning...

Fortunately they realised we were just pissed and let us off when we said we were going to take the signs back.

(which we didn't! :cool:)

Pretty tame really, I just smile when I think of my friend's smooth-talking to the coppers.

Edit: Pete, that is a superb bit of suspense-building. We NEED to hear the mushroom story.
 
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craner

Beast of Burden
I have things I can't even talk about. Quite a few involving South Korean tour guides that I really can't get into. Jesus, did Scott start this thread with that in mind? The? Bastard?
 

craner

Beast of Burden
To be honest, most of the last 8 years have been drunk, so there's quite a list, a lot of which I've forgotten. I think a whole weekend in Riga in 07, drunk from waking until sleeping, with some streaking, was an end point in many ways. We got home just about, but feeling quite ill.
 

PeteUM

It's all grist
Quote Tea:

Edit: Pete, that is a superb bit of suspense-building. We NEED to hear the mushroom story.

Not sure I can do it justice right now but as a further teaser the bones of the story are that we are all OFF IT and one of our number thinks we have just heard someone getting raped. 10 minutes later we are chasing a police car round a roundabout and...

:p

Tell ya what though, someone once told me a tripping story that was so narratively rich and brilliant that I still weep and beat my chest that I can't remember a fucking detail other than it involved a boat, the cops and everybody falling in the water at the end.
 
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Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
This is what government stiffs don't take into account when they concentrate solely on the bad aspects of drug use.

I like to think Prof. Nutt has a couple of good stories up his sleeve about stoodent escapades after a few tabs...
 

mistersloane

heavy heavy monster sound
I like to think Prof. Nutt

Is he a fuckbeast or what? Phwooar. Scientist totty,

I am really trying to remember what I done - it will come - but at the moment all I can recall is projectile vomiting over my favourite pub's bar on the night of Michael Jackson's death, wiping my mouth, looking the bartender right in the eye and, suave as shit, saying "So, I guess now's not the right time to ask for a job, is it?".

Actually maybe that time I played Human Frogger down Streatham High Road - jumping out in front of the police car maybe wasn't the best move - then eventually walked back to Brixton, got talking to some guy, walked straight into a wall (it really hurts) and then ended up being kidnapped by him for two days while he tried to indoctrinate me with EST might be a good one...I knew something was up when I got to his place and he had a Jack Russell which jumped up at me and he said "Oh good, Clara didn't bark. I don't like people Clara doesn't like".

Creepy. It was really creepy.
 

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
what were they, these texts?

I once threw a fire extinguisher out of a window, which I bitterly, bitterly regret.

oh god, too stressful to think about. but i just hope one of them wasn't accidentally to someone whose house i am hoping to move into. And I hope it didn't involve an insult sent at 1.30am. I really think that might be quite bad.

that fire extinguisher anecdote really made me laugh. what was the occasion?
 
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swears

preppy-kei
Sometimes when me a mate get drunk we like to crash house parties, you just knock on the door and pretend you know someone, they never seem to mind if you're holding a bottle of Smirnoff. I can only do this if I'm completely smashed, and he has to do all the talking. We're getting a bit old for some of the teenage/student dos now, though. Pressed for a reason to be there, I just say "I'm Steve's brother" there's always someone called Steve. We got rumbled at some quite posh family gathering, the son was fuming but the dad thought it was a brilliant wheeze, made us both cocktails and invited us back to the next one, he was pissed as well.
 

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
I have things I can't even talk about. Quite a few involving South Korean tour guides that I really can't get into.

I'm sorry, the rules of the thread dictate that these must be told. Especially things one can't even talk about.
 
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