aL FRESCO SHITTING

luka

Well-known member
this is a somewhat taboo topic and i think maybe its a decadent act carrid out only by the few. i would guess martin and mistersloane if anyone here. it is very nervewracking. maybe if some of you have been struck with diherrea at inconvient times youvee had to resort to it. the death of the public toilet and the locking of fast food chain toilets has maybe mad this more common. i hav don probably about 5 al fresco shits as a grown man which i think would be maybe the highest number of al fresco shits on dissensus. baboon despite his name has never done a shit in nature. i have done on in towr hamlets cemetery, middlesex filter beds, epping forest, and some other places. i hav wioped my arses with newspaper, leaves and bst of all kleenex cos i happened to have a cold at thee time and was carrying tissues. i proteect my hand with a carrier bag and i try to do it where it will serve as valubale composting for the delight of nature and nvr anywhere where it could be inadvertantly stepped on unless you ar weirdly poking around in thick underegrowth.
 

Corpsey

call me big papa
- shitting myself in Egypt, multiple times. here's a 'hilarious' account of this time in my life from another forum:

''Might not have even been the last time but I shat myself in Egypt about four-five years ago. I dunno how I got a dodgy stomach (could have been any number of reasons) - all I know is that I was drinking a can of Sprite in my hotel room, looking forward to a boat trip down the nile which was commencing the next day, when suddenly I did a fart that was more liquid than the contents of the can I was sipping from. I rushed to the toilet, squitted a bit and laughed it off - 'So that was my experience of diahorrea while travelling' I thought, smugly.

I spent the rest of the night shitting and sweating and vomiting. At one point I was sick in the sink at the SAME TIME as letting loose a pound of chocolate Angel Delight from my arse-end. I went to bed, teary eyed and turdy arsed, about five hours later. I shat myself in my sleep, waking up to find myself tucked into what was effectively a gigantic sheet of used Andrex.

Then on the boat down the nile, I lay on my back and moaned a lot for about two days, occasionally leaving the boat to go and do a wet shit in the desert sands while stray dogs circled around me hoping that some Pedigree chum would fall out of my bumhole.

One night (and I'm not lying) I had a dream where I was in a 'who can shit the fastest?' contest. The guy judging the contest counted down from 3. On '1' I woke up. If I could have shrunk the boat we were on to the size of a chocolate mini roll than we could have gone on a little cruise down my trouser legs.''

- shat in a hedge on new years day about five years or more ago. left a party in the middle of the countryside while pissed up... stormed off, basically, with the intention of walking home (even though i was miles from home and had no idea how to even get close to near it), ended up walking around in pitch darkness half freezing to death. that was when the hedge shitting occured.

- several other times in numerous fields. i grew up in a fairly rural area. its par for the course.
 

Corpsey

call me big papa
sorry if that story above is a bit much, btw.

all bets are off in an 'al fresco shitting' thread though.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
What happened to that guy who always used to go on about shitting in a plastic bag? He'd be all over this thread if he were still around.
 

luka

Well-known member
baboon was going on about shitting in plasic bags. he said he does it all th time. somthing to do with examining th stool i think. nevr outsid though so it dosnt count.
 

Benny B

Well-known member
Great thread!

A couple of years back I was on holiday in Kashmir and spent the longest, most terrifying night of my entire life camping at an altitude of 1500 ft up a Himalayan mountain. On the first day of the trek my belly started to complain a little on the way up. By the time we got camped up on a plateau I was feeling decidedly nauseous and was then presented with some viciously spicy cauliflower soup by the gypsy guides we were with. Not wanting to appear rude I forced some of the soup down, even though hot chilis were literally the last thing I wanted to eat at that point. As night descended on the camp I went for a lie down in the tent and was overtaken with crippling stomach cramps. Cue the longest most excruciating bout of the Rangoon Runs I've ever experienced...

Everyone else had gone to sleep, but I had to spend the entire night shitting and spewing every five minutes, only a few feet away from the tent. The situation was made infinitely worse by the fact it was pitch-black, I had no torch (!!!) and of course I was halfway up a fucking Himalayan mountain! I literally thought I was going to die...

At first light I managed to persuade one of the guides to walk me back down the mountain we had climbed the day before, completely zombified from dehydration and fatigue. To cut a long story short, I obviously made it back ok, went to bed and woke up the next day feeling not too bad!

heres a pic of me a few hours earlier, blissfully unaware of the night of terror ahead!
100_0185.jpg
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continuum

smugpolice
this thread is great!

Your Eygpt story Corpsey (and Benny B's Himalayan one) just totally chilled me out from a stressful day at work. V funny.
 

grizzleb

Well-known member
Corpsey's story had me lolling like fuck, multiple times. Good work.

I've taken a shit outside. It was at an outdoor party. There might have been bogs but I was fucking mashed and it was pitch black. Found what I thought was a secluded spot and let loose a serious eccie shite, then wiped my arse with some leaves lying around. Was edgy as fuck. Thought I'd been discreet but the next day I seen people taking photographs with their arms round it, commenting on its massive size and perfect form, coiled up like a big brown snake - "it almost looks fake" I heard them say.
 

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
I have done this. It was in some woods outside Thetford and I was there for an outdoor rave, in a clearing surrounded by a plantation. I dug a little pit with my heel and kicked soil and leaf litter over it afterwards like a cat. Thankfully I'd brought bog roll with me which I thoughtfully proffered to other ravers I saw heading into the woods to do the same thing.
 

Sectionfive

bandwagon house
Can't remember my last outdoorsy one, probably for good reason. Feel backwards into a ditch on top of my own droppings at the festival before.... grim. But keeping with the trots in exotic places theme. About three years ago in the Beijing underground I got into a bit of trouble. We'd just come from up north up near the DPRK border and returned to capitalism and... cheese burgers. This proved far too rich after days eating nettles and whatever and I had to leg it off the carriage and round the underground for about 10 minutes before I found a portaloo.

Burst in the door to find that bloody hole in the ground and promptly covered the place in shit. After about 10 minutes clearing out I opened the door and there was a woman and her daughter standing there and just did some weird hand gestures and that face you do when you want to make out it was like that when you went in.

Spend the next fifteen minutes doing this bow legged walk around a packed underground trying not to touch the sides because the great Chinese dream hasn't cottoned on to bog roll in public jacks yet. Eventually got sorted and hopped on the train to catch up with everyone at the next stop.


Growing up in the west of Ireland I can handle fields no bother but far eastern tube stations is another matter. Just glad I wasn't shooting from both ends like the other two.
 

grizzleb

Well-known member
That other shitting thread has some absolute belters in it. There's nothing like a shit thread to bring the lols.
 

pattycakes_

Well-known member
I have done this. It was in some woods outside Thetford and I was there for an outdoor rave, in a clearing surrounded by a plantation. I dug a little pit with my heel and kicked soil and leaf litter over it afterwards like a cat. Thankfully I'd brought bog roll with me which I thoughtfully proffered to other ravers I saw heading into the woods to do the same thing.

Man of the people :)
 

linebaugh

Well-known member
I once got a surprise case of the shits in the middle of the texas desert on a hike with my girlfriend. The only available wipe was a bandana given to her by her grandfather who had worn it during his stint in Vietnam. Now it's caked with shit buried in a shallow grave of sand somewhere along the border.
 
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Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
I once got a surprise case of the shits in the middle of the texas desert on a hike with my girlfriend. The only available wipe was a bandana given to her by her grandfather who had worn it during his stint in Vietnam. Now it's caked with shit buried in a shallow grave of sand somewhere along the border.
I'm sure any true soldier would appreciate that practicality trumps sentimentality in a situation like that.
 

version

Well-known member
I once got a surprise case of the shits in the middle of the texas desert on a hike with my girlfriend. The only available wipe was a bandana given to her by her grandfather who had worn it during his stint in Vietnam. Now it's caked with shit buried in a shallow grave of sand somewhere along the border.
@luka
 
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