Are You An Artiste? A multiple choice questionnaire.

luka

Well-known member
Staff member
1.Do You Wear A Beret?

a) Yes b) No



2. Do You Have Your Own Studio?

a) Yes b) No



3. Do You Habitually Greet Even Casual Acquaintances With An 'Air Kiss'?

a) Yes b) No



4. In Short Can People Tell, From Your Clothes, Your Body Language, Your Conversation, Your Brand of Cigarette And Other Signifiers That You Are An 'Artiste'?

a) Yes b) No



5. Are You An Accomplished Networker?

a) Yes b) No



6. Do You Form 'Affinity Groups'? That Is To Say, On Looking Around Your Friendship Group, Do You Discover They All Look Exactly The Same, Share The Same Interests, Ambitions, Ideals And Prejudices?

a) Yes b) No

Is This Because You Experience Difficulty In Forming A Connection With People From Backgrounds Different From Your Own? Does This Create A Feedback Loop Which Effectively Reinforces Your Own Beliefs And Shields You From Interacting With The Full Gamut Of Human Types And Belief Systems? Is This Helpful For A Would-Be-Artiste? Would You Be Better Served By A Broader, More Varied Social Circle?



7. Do You Join Groups, Gangs, Clubs and Movements?

a) Yes b) No

7a. Would They Have You If You Wanted To?

a) Yes b) No



8. Are You Always Looking For Ways To Make 'Your Ideas' Profitable?

a) Yes b) No

Do You Hoard Ideas? Do You Worry About Imitators Diluting Your 'Brand'? Do You Withhold Material Till You Can Find A Buyer For It? Do You Treat Knowledge As Currency And Hoard It? What Are You Scared Of? Do You Think Your Supply Of Knowledge Is Diminished Every Time It Is Shared? Is This Rational?



9. Once You Understood The Ways In Which To Gain Critical Approval Did You Take Great Pains To Do The Opposite?

a) No b) Yes



10. Does Too Much Praise Make You Feel You Must Be Doing Something Wrong?

a) No b) Yes



11. Do You Consider Getting Ahead At The Expense Of Others

a) Life's Most Piquant Pleasure

b) A Hollow Victory



12. Do You Laugh At

a) The Weak, The Unfortunate, The Hapless, The Ugly

b) The Powerful, Bullies, Prigs, Bigots

Who's Side Are You On?



13. Do Authority Figures Feel An Instinctive Sense Of Suspicion, Unease And Antipathy Whenever You Hove Into View?

a) No b) Yes



14.Do You a) Take Yourself And Life Very Seriously? or b) Treat Everything, Work, Art And Life As A Game?

Are You Good At Playing It? What Rules If Any Do You Follow?



15. Are You A Show Off?

a) Yes b) Yes



16. Do You Get Easily Over Excited?

a) No b) Yes



17. Are You a) Perpetually Trying To Demonstrate How Clever You Are Or Do You b) Just Whip It Out When It Is Appropriate?

Conversely Are You Scared Of Intelligent Conversation, Earnestness, Seriousness, Honesty? If So, Broaden Your Range.



18. Are You A Disappointment To Your Parents?

a) No b) Yes



19. Do You Trust Your Instincts

a) No b) Yes

Or Are You Continually Second Guessing Yourself And Adapting Your Work And Behaviour To Fit The Expectations Of An Imagined Audience?



20. Have You Been Accused Of Being 'Weird' or 'Different' Your Whole Life Even At Those Times When You Were Desperately Trying To Pass For Normal?

a) No b) Yes



21. Have You Ever Been Diagnosed As Schizophrenic Or Bi-Polar?

a) No b) Yes



22. Do You,b) With Words And Actions Broaden Peoples Sense Of What Is Possible And Permitted or a) Help To Police An Idea of 'Normality'?



23. Visualise A Conversation As A Movement Of Energy Between People

Are You a) An Impediment To The Free Flow Of That Energy or b) Do You Facilitate The Flow Of That Energy?

What Are The Factors Involved? What Makes A Good Conversationalist? How Is A Connection Formed? What Prevents The Establishment Of A Connection?



24. Do You Find People Repeat The Things You Have Previously Told Them As If They Are Sharing A Personal Epiphany Due To Your Special Secret Technique Of Implanting Words Directly Into Their Unconscious Thereby Bypassing The Censors Of The Conscious Mind.

a) no not really b) yes



25. Are You An Ideologue Of Any Stripe?

a) Yes b) No



26. Do You Attend A Large Number Of Openings And Private Views?

a) Yes b) NO



27. Do You Read Art Magazines?

a) Yes b) No



28. Are You 'Very Passionate About Design'?

a) Yes b) No



29. Do You Live In A Part Of Town Where You Are Afraid Of The Locals?

a) Yes b) No



30. Do You Pay Attention?

a) No b) Yes

Do You, For Example, Have At Least A Rudimentary Knowledge Of The Flora And Fauna Of Your Immediate Environment? The Political And Economic Situation? Cultural And Social Trends? Music, Food, Poetry, History, The Built Environment, The Forms And Patterns Made By Peeling Paint, The Way The Sun Makes The Air Vibrate, The Nuances Of Body Language And Paralinguistic Cues......



31. Do You Have A Highly Developed Sense Of Mischief?

a) No b) Yes



32. Have You Taken The Trouble To Actually Get Good At What You Do

a) No b) Yes

Or Are You Just Assuming Your Natural Undeveloped Gifts Are Enough? Are You Not Aware Of How Many Millions Of 'Clever' People There Are In The World? Don't You Think That's A Bit Presumptuous?



33. Do You Know Anyone That Does What You Do But Better?

a) Yes b) No



34. Have You Been Willing To Make Sacrifices In Order To Stay Faithful To Your Own Hazy, Ill-Defined Ideals?

a) No b) Yes



35. Have You Made Your Choices With Your Eyes Open Fully Aware Of The Possible Consequences Or Do You Refuse To Fully Commit To Anything And Whinge Constantly About The Direction Your Life Is Headed In? In Other Words, Do You Want To Have Your Cake And Eat It To?

a) Yes b) No

Do You Want To Be An Artiste AND A Careerist? Is This Realistic?



36. Do You b) Say What You Think Or a) Do You Modify Your Responses To Match The Imagined Assumptions Of Your Interlocutor?



37. Do You Spend A Lot Of Time 'Thinking'?

a) Yes b) No



38. Do You Pay Your Debts?

a) No b) Yes



39. Do You a) Seek To Create A Mystique Around What You Do Or Do You b) Find Such Playacting Painfully Gauche?



40. Do You Ultimately, Despite Multiple Misgivings, Objections And Fears, Say 'YES' To Life?

a) No b) Yes

Do You Seek To Immerse Yourself In It Or Do You Hide From It? Are You Content To Wallow In Backwaters And Stagnant Pools? Do You Seek To Limit The Flow Of Information? Or Do You Want To Open All Channels?
 

luka

Well-known member
Staff member
Bobby Bisto in the final analysis is your basic attitude towards life affirmative or negatory?
2 hours ago · Like
Bobby Bisto is what you do immediately identifiable as 'Art'? a)yes b) no. Are you perhaps nothing but a proficient mimic?
4 minutes ago · Like
Bobby Bisto is your 'creativity' confined to your 'work' or does it manifest itself equally in your interactions and relationships with other people, at your day job, in your life choices, in your choice of words, in your 'status updates' and 'twittering'
2 minutes ago · Like
Bobby Bisto if not why not?
about a minute ago · Like
Bobby Bisto dont you have any imagination?
 

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
Staff member
• Have you ever enslaved a population?

• Have you ever debased a nation's currency?

• Have you ever killed the wrong person?

• Have you ever torn out someone's tongue?

• Have you ever been a professional critic?

• Have you ever wiped out a family?

• Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name?

• Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?

• Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?

• Have you ever made love to a dead body?

• Have you ever engaged in piracy?

• Have you ever been a pimp?

• Have you ever eaten a human body?

• Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing?

• Have you ever exterminated a species?

• Have you ever been a professional executioner?

• Have you given robots a bad name?

• Have you ever set a booby trap?

• Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?

• Have you driven anyone insane?

• Have you ever killed the wrong person?

• Is anybody looking for you?

• Have you ever set a poor example?

• Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?

• Are you in hiding?

• Have you systematically set up mysteries?

• Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?

• Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?

• Have you ever gone crazy?

• Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?

• Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?

• Have you ever smothered a baby?

• Do you deserve to have any friends?

• Have you ever castrated anyone?

• Do you deserve to be enslaved?

• Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?

• Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?

• Have you ever zapped anyone?

• Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?
 
Last edited:

gregor_s

Member
Did you ever suck a human eye out through a straw? Or alternatively, suck a human cock? For money. In a toilet. On a train. Between Shanghai and Timbuktu...
 

slowtrain

Well-known member
I Cannot Handle All Of Those Capital Letters, How Long Did That Take To Be Written?

Jesus Christ.

That Said, I Do Not Think That I Have Passed The 'Artiste' Test?

I Am Not Sure About My Results For Tea's Test Though.
 

slowtrain

Well-known member
I am not exactly sure how I would respond to these questions:

• Have you ever been a professional critic?

• Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?

• Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing?

• Have you ever set a booby trap?

• Have you driven anyone insane?

• Is anybody looking for you?

• Have you ever set a poor example?

• Are you in hiding?

• Have you systematically set up mysteries?

• Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?
  • Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?
  • Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?



Do this mean I have Thetans?
 
Last edited:

luka

Well-known member
Staff member
having said that i had a friend who brazenly started referring to himself as an 'artist' aged about 15 and that had a very liberating effect on me, one of those things where someone gives you permission to be more than a white bread man so i shouldnt disparage it really

yes, of course i am an artist of the highest calibre
 

woops

is not like other people
i'm gonna give this a proper go as it will be the closest i've ever got to an in depth interview.

the question "are you an artist" cannot help but remind me of prynne's opening gambit to his only ever in-depth interview

These poems we heard this evening, some of them were quite witty, some of them were adept. But they’re all poems written by a poet, and I could do without that. I want a poet to break out of his or her poetic identity, to establish a whole new set of possibilities for the reader and for him- or herself. To hear poems that must have been written by a poet is to find them trapped in the poetic habits from which they originate.
 

woops

is not like other people
1.Do You Wear A Beret?

Yes of course it's one of the perks

2. Do You Have Your Own Studio?

As long as I have a bedroom, yes

3. Do You Habitually Greet Even Casual Acquaintances With An 'Air Kiss'?

I do when I'm in France, of course

4. In Short Can People Tell, From Your Clothes, Your Body Language, Your Conversation, Your Brand of Cigarette And Other Signifiers That You Are An 'Artiste'?

Artist probably, artiste is something else, but again, probably, yes

5. Are You An Accomplished Networker?

I am a networker but not accomplished

6. Do You Form 'Affinity Groups'? That Is To Say, On Looking Around Your Friendship Group, Do You Discover They All Look Exactly The Same, Share The Same Interests, Ambitions, Ideals And Prejudices?

they have something in common but it ain't a look, the best way i can define it after a lot of thought is that they're all willing to read william burroughs

Is This Because You Experience Difficulty In Forming A Connection With People From Backgrounds Different From Your Own? Does This Create A Feedback Loop Which Effectively Reinforces Your Own Beliefs And Shields You From Interacting With The Full Gamut Of Human Types And Belief Systems? Is This Helpful For A Would-Be-Artiste? Would You Be Better Served By A Broader, More Varied Social Circle?

i'll socialise with anyone who'll have me mostly but i am still a snob about it. just the other day i was listening to supersnob harold bloom saying he/we read/s because you run out of real people and you can never know enough of them so reading is the way

7. Do You Join Groups, Gangs, Clubs and Movements?

normally a sign of the imminent dissolution of the group

7a. Would They Have You If You Wanted To?

see above

8. Are You Always Looking For Ways To Make 'Your Ideas' Profitable?

more like are you always failing to find ways to make your ideas profitable

Do You Hoard Ideas? Do You Worry About Imitators Diluting Your 'Brand'? Do You Withhold Material Till You Can Find A Buyer For It? Do You Treat Knowledge As Currency And Hoard It? What Are You Scared Of? Do You Think Your Supply Of Knowledge Is Diminished Every Time It Is Shared? Is This Rational?

these are all careerist attitudes and i am in idealist on these matters. will self said not to worry about someone stealing your ideas cos if you're any good you'll have plenty more. as i say i'm an idealist

9. Once You Understood The Ways In Which To Gain Critical Approval Did You Take Great Pains To Do The Opposite?

more like once i did the opposite i took great pains

10. Does Too Much Praise Make You Feel You Must Be Doing Something Wrong?

i'll let you know lol. but the real answer is yes of course. "wicked set mate really enjoyed it" is the conversation barrier that ensures you'll never see this person again



11. Do You Consider Getting Ahead At The Expense Of Others

a) Life's Most Piquant Pleasure

b) A Hollow Victory



12. Do You Laugh At

a) The Weak, The Unfortunate, The Hapless, The Ugly

b) The Powerful, Bullies, Prigs, Bigots

Who's Side Are You On?



13. Do Authority Figures Feel An Instinctive Sense Of Suspicion, Unease And Antipathy Whenever You Hove Into View?

a) No b) Yes



14.Do You a) Take Yourself And Life Very Seriously? or b) Treat Everything, Work, Art And Life As A Game?

Are You Good At Playing It? What Rules If Any Do You Follow?

i like the game 'cos it distracts me from the super serious catastrophes otherwise all around

15. Are You A Show Off?

a) Yes b) Yes

16. Do You Get Easily Over Excited?

not in any way that affects anyone else unless when i was younger and more intoxicated

17. Are You a) Perpetually Trying To Demonstrate How Clever You Are Or Do You b) Just Whip It Out When It Is Appropriate?

good question that innit? no one likes zhao anymore but he once said that most good music comes from clever people pretending to be stupid. the ideal would be to whip out an incredibly subtle show of skill only when appropriate. i probably spend most of my time on a) though if i'm honest

Conversely Are You Scared Of Intelligent Conversation, Earnestness, Seriousness, Honesty? If So, Broaden Your Range.

not really a question but ok i'll keep it in my english mind

18. Are You A Disappointment To Your Parents?

i'm not what they expected

19. Do You Trust Your Instincts

i follow them without necessarily trusting them

Or Are You Continually Second Guessing Yourself And Adapting Your Work And Behaviour To Fit The Expectations Of An Imagined Audience?

it's an imaginary audience so it's instinct anyway isn't it?

20. Have You Been Accused Of Being 'Weird' or 'Different' Your Whole Life Even At Those Times When You Were Desperately Trying To Pass For Normal?

lol

21. Have You Ever Been Diagnosed As Schizophrenic Or Bi-Polar?

No not those specific diagnoses no



22. Do You,b) With Words And Actions Broaden Peoples Sense Of What Is Possible And Permitted or a) Help To Police An Idea of 'Normality'?



23. Visualise A Conversation As A Movement Of Energy Between People

Are You a) An Impediment To The Free Flow Of That Energy or b) Do You Facilitate The Flow Of That Energy?

What Are The Factors Involved? What Makes A Good Conversationalist? How Is A Connection Formed? What Prevents The Establishment Of A Connection?



24. Do You Find People Repeat The Things You Have Previously Told Them As If They Are Sharing A Personal Epiphany Due To Your Special Secret Technique Of Implanting Words Directly Into Their Unconscious Thereby Bypassing The Censors Of The Conscious Mind.

a) no not really b) yes



25. Are You An Ideologue Of Any Stripe?

a) Yes b) No

26. Do You Attend A Large Number Of Openings And Private Views?

mo but i used to go to a lot of gigs, loads and loads and loads

27. Do You Read Art Magazines?

not unless they're to hand and then i don't learn much or like the tone and i gave up on the wire mag ages ago as well.

28. Are You 'Very Passionate About Design'?

nah

29. Do You Live In A Part Of Town Where You Are Afraid Of The Locals?

what stoke newington? not really

30. Do You Pay Attention?

a) No b) Yes

Do You, For Example, Have At Least A Rudimentary Knowledge Of The Flora And Fauna Of Your Immediate Environment? The Political And Economic Situation? Cultural And Social Trends? Music, Food, Poetry, History, The Built Environment, The Forms And Patterns Made By Peeling Paint, The Way The Sun Makes The Air Vibrate, The Nuances Of Body Language And Paralinguistic Cues......

it takes time and effort to learn this lore except the one or two that obsess you without any decision being made

31. Do You Have A Highly Developed Sense Of Mischief?

i know it when i see it

32. Have You Taken The Trouble To Actually Get Good At What You Do

i think i can say i have if you ask me

Or Are You Just Assuming Your Natural Undeveloped Gifts Are Enough? Are You Not Aware Of How Many Millions Of 'Clever' People There Are In The World? Don't You Think That's A Bit Presumptuous?

that definitely sinks in over time but doesn't rule out "taking the trouble"

33. Do You Know Anyone That Does What You Do But Better?

you'd be mad if you didn't acknowledge the inspirational ones but you also probably wouldn't bother if you didn't think you were up there
and do they do exactly what you do anyway? don't you want to find your own thing? isn't that the point

34. Have You Been Willing To Make Sacrifices In Order To Stay Faithful To Your Own Hazy, Ill-Defined Ideals?

or have you been forced to? is it a sacrifice to follow your own delusions as far as you can? or did you do your art as an escape from the bloody sacrifices unfolding around you?

35. Have You Made Your Choices With Your Eyes Open Fully Aware Of The Possible Consequences Or Do You Refuse To Fully Commit To Anything And Whinge Constantly About The Direction Your Life Is Headed In? In Other Words, Do You Want To Have Your Cake And Eat It To?

running out of questions and answers here especially in light of this next one:

Do You Want To Be An Artiste AND A Careerist? Is This Realistic?



36. Do You b) Say What You Think Or a) Do You Modify Your Responses To Match The Imagined Assumptions Of Your Interlocutor?

it's more nuanced than that, you say what you think if that matches your assumptions, or you say something you don't understand based on other assumptions, and what you think may well be either wrong or instantly contradicted so be careful

37. Do You Spend A Lot Of Time 'Thinking'?

too much? one of my mentors considers all thinking a mistake!



38. Do You Pay Your Debts?

I pay my dues

39. Do You a) Seek To Create A Mystique Around What You Do Or Do You b) Find Such Playacting Painfully Gauche?

do you commit acts of creation out of experience and imagination or are you a solid normal geezer, not into that bohemian bollocks, i guess i'd have to go with the former.

40. Do You Ultimately, Despite Multiple Misgivings, Objections And Fears, Say 'YES' To Life?

we all do while we're living, like when i read that even arch morbidist thomas ligotti still finds his "jouissance" in writing - nihilism is always a pose

Do You Seek To Immerse Yourself In It Or Do You Hide From It? Are You Content To Wallow In Backwaters And Stagnant Pools? Do You Seek To Limit The Flow Of Information? Or Do You Want To Open All Channels?

well, luke i do whatever seems most expedient when exploring these ideas
 

woops

is not like other people
oops i've missed a few 'cos of scrolling inside the reply form inside another screen so let the fun continue:

11. Do You Consider Getting Ahead At The Expense Of Others

a) Life's Most Piquant Pleasure

b) A Hollow Victory

definitely b) but assuming you even get ahead it's fun to diagnose flaws in imaginary opponents

12. Do You Laugh At

a) The Weak, The Unfortunate, The Hapless, The Ugly

b) The Powerful, Bullies, Prigs, Bigots

Who's Side Are You On?

i don't laugh at b) they're too despicable for me to find them funny. i'd side with a) and hope to laugh along with them

13. Do Authority Figures Feel An Instinctive Sense Of Suspicion, Unease And Antipathy Whenever You Hove Into View?

of course. they're cunts

15. Are You A Show Off?

a) Yes b) Yes

somewhere between the two

22. Do You,b) With Words And Actions Broaden Peoples Sense Of What Is Possible And Permitted or a) Help To Police An Idea of 'Normality'?

i think i have a style or a voice all my own so that's a marginally less pretentious b) [note that the questioner has reversed a) and b) here, broadening my sense of what's possible in a qustionnaire]

23. Visualise A Conversation As A Movement Of Energy Between People

Are You a) An Impediment To The Free Flow Of That Energy or b) Do You Facilitate The Flow Of That Energy?

you're both but you're trying to be b)

What Are The Factors Involved? What Makes A Good Conversationalist? How Is A Connection Formed? What Prevents The Establishment Of A Connection?

you have to be entertaining and go for a laugh whenever you can. informed but not an "authority" or if not informed then interested. you have to size up your role and fill in the blanks. you have to be able to wait your turn without being talked over. you have to consider the conversation itself as having more worth than its subject. off the top of my head that is how you have a worthwhile informal conversation

24. Do You Find People Repeat The Things You Have Previously Told Them As If They Are Sharing A Personal Epiphany Due To Your Special Secret Technique Of Implanting Words Directly Into Their Unconscious Thereby Bypassing The Censors Of The Conscious Mind.

a) no not really b) yes

i've always thought this was a bit of an annoying strategy where people pick up your phrases and repeat them as if to shw they knew that laready but that is probably my arrogance. and all that NLP stuff is neil strauss territory, avoid

25. Are You An Ideologue Of Any Stripe?

i'll dodge this question too as we are all (always already) ideologues
 
I like this idea of the role as a trap, as soon as you operate As An Artist you’ve fucked it, you’ve limited and separated yourself, drawn an unnecessary boundary. The famous band Aphex twins said the same thing in a more reverse snobbery way ie “jungle is the best music because it of innovations made by scary working class mechanics who didn’t know what they were doing, didn’t consider themselves musicians / artists”
 
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