bandz ahoy
I floated this idea to Luka and he gave it the thumbs up.

Craner's top 100 was of course very sexy but in a quite sophisticated, man-of-the-world, bed-sprinkled-with-rose-petals way.

This list, I hope, will be more like one of those British shagcoms from the 70s about cheeky, perpetually erect window cleaners.

69 choons that somehow epitomise, express or simply reek of sex to dissensus's resident warren beatty (warren bahti). Barty, you can interpret however you like.


Well-known member
This list, I hope, will be more like one of those British shagcoms from the 70s about cheeky, perpetually erect window cleaners.


on my birthday reynolds sent me loads of tv themes from these kind of shows. i just thought was his way of deflecting from the fact that i know he's a dirty old rotter.

it seems like it's a far more wide-spread ('em) view than i'd anticipated.


Well-known member

another formative sex song. how can monogamy compete?

its interesting that brass has now entered our collective sonic lexicon as signifying a tongue in cheek smut (with no small thanks to david rose's 'the stripper')

his presentation in the video speaks to a very childish notion of what being sexy is. piers brosnan as bond. i had a phase as a kid where i insisted i was a "gentleman" which involved dressing in suits and making my mum buy me a briefcase.

i need a white suit and fedora.


Well-known member

the first entry that would've come out when i was actually sexually active.

first things first they make sure to get the homophobia out the way. "scorn them". strictly straight bizznizz.

birth of venus harps. the synths like the waves. chlorine blue.

what's great is that spice looks like every dinner lady in every south london school.

"mi cocky longer than my nine" is a great way to start a verse.

loads of great quotes from this:

"damage it fi spite, not because my pussy tight"

"titty appetite, every nipple get a bite"

"Spice I neva love a pussy like dis
You ah my mista
You ah my miss
Kill me with the cocky
Kill me with the tightness
And when you a come
Whisper something like dis
I can't stop fucking you"

"Yuh pussy buff
Plus it squeeze like handcuff"

i love when he sings "cocky no play" like a boystrous call to arms.

this bit's surprisingly tendered. cradled in the arms of a woman during the vulnerability of climax. naked in every sense of the word:

"Sshhh di climax begun
Bear sweat a run
Hold me tight Spice
Me feel like me ah cum
Mi nah let yuh go
So don't let me done
Me two phone a ring and me nah answer none"


Well-known member

"brown and pretty". a man after my own heart.

the synth sounds like a black girl's gait looks. hips swiming like those pendulum pirate ships at fairgrounds. simultaneously sturdy and slinky. affirmed and coy. confrontational and inviting (arguments are foreplay for black girls. a spartan-like trial of your manliness.)

my real name begins with k so i naturally love the line "throwing up k's, i think i'm in love with the reps"

"fucking sticky"


Well-known member

a tacky, seedy notion of sophistication.

petals on the bed of a cheap motel. petrol station aftershave. spraying lynx on your bollocks. car air fresheners in a the room. black mold on the walls. a broken ceiling fan. you can hear someone getting murdered in the room next door.

speaking softly in your ear with pungent halitosis.


Well-known member

flirting with black girls. taming the beast.

st george and the dragon. the heart of darkness.

mythological trials. titan displays of emotional and intellectual strength.

those jericho horns. the march of sauron's hordes.

spitting venemous bars like the heads of a medusa.

sex as blood sport. women as conquest.

battle of the sexes.
Last edited:


Well-known member

this is what i sent Barty - because he is a sex maniac to use the 70s term

he has sex on the brain, sees it everywhere (including in quite innocent posts on here by me)

i can remember what that was like, but i'm old enough to be his grandad


bandz ahoy
wide open



Well-known member

jamaican dad in a tight polo shirt with michelin man body enjoying the attention from deliciously past-it mums while he’s in charge of the barbecue.

a quiet storm dj saying smooooooth.

sexual patriarch. sex when the kids have gone to bed early and you get a bit of time to yourselves. a bottle of wine. candles. gracious kisses on the neck for fathering your kids. ignoring the stretch marks and cellulite while she dresses sexy and you two reminisce about being in your 20’s.

distinguished. experienced. electra complex.

“papa lover will never say never"