So, you know when Johnson was at death's door, in an oxygen tent and suffering so severely with covid that it was touch and go as to whether or not our brave - nay heroic - prime minister would pull through? All he could think as he lay there was that despite the herculean achievements he had already achieved, there was still so much more that needed to be done.
His life balanced on a knife-edge, death's icy hands closed around his huge, loving heart our beloved Boris was slipping away; an ineffably deep and sonorous voice rang out saying "Come to the light weary fat boy, tis time for thou to abandon this mortal coil and take your rightful place next to me, just above Jesus, for thou didst get Brexit done... (worriest though not, that tunnel is wider than it doth look)" and as he spake thusly he turnethed to the side - and kickedeth Jesus out the way saying "Thou lazy bast, 2000 years hast passed since last thou didst anything for the lord thy God".
Saint Boris rose ever upwards, and as he ascended his phystical form was transformed mightily so that he came to resemble one of those chubby little guys with rolls of fat, a shock of golden-blond hair and beatific, vacant expressions on their faces....
"NO!" he cried "NO! My work is not yet done."
And the rise of Arch-Angel Boris began to slow, his mind focused on that expensive wallpaper not yet fitted, that new secretary whose arse he had not had a chance to pinch, so many piss-ups to organise inside number 10... and at the back of his mind something about a country called England or Britain or something. And thus did God decide that it was not yet time for Bozza to come into his reward... and suddenly he awakened, in his body once again, his strength had grown two-fold and he had a renewed sense of purpose, he took his bed and walked.. and the rest is history.
However, it's now being reported all over that that was total and utter bollocks and he was never ill at all. Now, personally it doesn't take much to make me at least question the veracity of what Johnson says, however, I have to say that I don't know what it is that has suddenly come through which means that people are suddenly stating this so categorically and with such confidence. I suppose as usual we'll find out soon enough though.