IdleRich

IdleRich
There is a film with the line "Shagging girls is for poofs" - which resonated with my girlfriend of the time as the way a lot of men think.
 

luka

Well-known member
it said it was a nietzsche quote and i went something like i man has sex with a woman when he is feeling a urge to be gay
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
Kinda how men like big macho cars and tough strong things... but then they suddenly have to like little, delicate women?
 

luka

Well-known member
eg this from 410's kick down doors

You little slut, you're very dirty. Uck me, you ain't pussy worthy
 

sus

Well-known member
SaTC has a very performative view of sex, for the most part. A whole series of partners who for one reason or another don't altogether measure up. Where it moves away from that model, it's not into a different view of sex but into a different notion of what provides lasting fulfilment - friendship, ultimately, of which the friendship between the four female leads is the central template. It never really reconciles sex and friendship, because it sees the former as a sphere of competition and the latter as a sphere of respite from competition.
Aren't they competing with each other over sexual success? Maybe this is already implicit in your post but it seems like what SatC captures that women find realistic is in large part this duality of female friendship as competition/support. The men here are just mediums for the games between each other.
 

poetix

we murder to dissect
I think the core friendship group in SaTC are not in competition with each other, and this is managed precisely by allocating them to four distinct "types" with different goals and notions of happiness - no-one is competing with Samantha for the number of hot young studs she can bang, or with Charlotte for the highest-status husband. What Carrie wants is "romantic fulfilment", which mostly cashes out as "being seen as worthy of commitment by somebody you've committed to". Miranda's need is for homely domestic satisfaction - someone to sit on a sofa and watch TV shows with - in counterbalance to her driven professional life. None of them would be happy with what the others want, and so their role as friends is to be accepting of each other's differences and affirming of each other's goals - which is the sentimental heart of the show.
 
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sus

Well-known member
I haven't seen the show but that makes sense. But then—who are they competing with?
 

poetix

we murder to dissect
Broadly speaking, all other women in the heterosexual dating market (who want the same things they do), for the attentions of all other men (who might satisfy those requirements).There's also an element of trying to beat one's own personal best in, e.g. Samantha's search for the most whizz-bang fucking she can possibly attain.
 
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sus

Well-known member
Do men feel like they're in sexual competition with each other? My guess is that male friends can feel that way sometimes, but I haven't gotten that larger sense of a competitive field. It's almost more about tricking the woman into dating you (PUArtistry) than it is about beating out other guys. The barrier isn't other men, it's that you're repulsive enough on your own
 

poetix

we murder to dissect
It's always seemed to me that the bar you have to clear is definitely the "not if you were the last guy in the world" bar. Once you're in with a chance it's a different game entirely.
 
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poetix

we murder to dissect
I'm torn about whether this is a psychologically healthy way of viewing the situation. On the one hand, I think there is a distinct difference between when it's on and when it isn't, and this is a matter of inclinations and preferences that are outside your control (i.e. the other person's). Maybe sometimes you can move the dial on this, but it sort of has to want to be moved. On the other hand, there's an obnoxious male habit of massively inflating the salience of even the slightest indication of female interest or encouragement, since this is taken as signalling that it's on, when actually it may be nothing more than a bit of arbitrary social smoothing.

In my real experience, which is admittedly rather limited, genuine romantic/sexual interest isn't particularly subtle and doesn't require constant anxious interpretation to detect it. You do however need to be able to follow up on open cues when they are directly presented to you, which is surprisingly easy to foul up. Autism undoubtedly makes all of this more confusing.
 
I operate from the assumption that everyone I meet fancies me. That would by my main advice to you hopefuls - cultivate unshakeable self-belief!
 

poetix

we murder to dissect
I operate from the assumption that everyone I meet fancies me. That would by my main advice to you hopefuls - cultivate unshakeable self-belief!

The PUAs call this "inner game". It has a lot to recommend it. Even if you're wrong most of the time, you'll probably come across as more approachable.
 
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