Ive read it now.
It's quite heavy, very good though, you get into it more as you go on. 2nd half feels more fluid, easier. Maybe i got into the rhythm more.
I really like the sections where the text is off to the edges, and theres white space down the middle, feels like you are a character in a game, cutting through.
eg:
the night is soft
and full of stars
i got lost a few times, but it feels like that's the point somewhat. or maybe more, you don't mind getting a bit lost. some bits feel a bit beckett-y i suppose, although i've not read his poetry much, just reminds me of the plays performed. That clipped thing. Terse, abrupt, words being thrown.
I liked a few odd bits of this eg:
‘big blue billowing’
‘orange legs in terrible synchronisation’
'on my account name tattooed blue letters in the skin'
'furlough' - prophetic use of that word! twice!
i don't really know what it's about, but i don't suppose that matters much. it feels like someone railing against various things, in a contained space, occasionally elsewhere, but more likely imagined. there seems to be a bit in the pub? and a few parts of london ('electric avenue'). Carlotta? Is that from Vertigo? Seems unlikely, but shes the only Carlotta I know. the pond bit? whats that about? landscape gardening job gone wrong? or metaphor for the UK? Brexit?
Some quite 'deep' bits eg the bit about whether you've done enough, justifying your existence, otherwise you get chucked. some kind of financial chicanery has happened?
if i was to try and draw it, i would like to start the drawing by being blindfolded and then i'd just slash at the paper, then take off the blindfold and fill some bits in.
i'd like to see something like this, or a few lines from it, pasted up on lamp posts or in the bus stop.
Some bits less liked:
there's the odd few lines eg 'those dreamers who dream dreams which
can never come'
which feel a little bit cliche. however, there's not too many of them, and in some ways they are welcome, cos they help with orientation.
i feel like it's better when read quickly.
this line is good:
febrile mind spasms in the early
hours the tangled sheets get a glass of water
i like the way there's no punctuation, sort of mirrors the state. nice one.
this little bit has a nice sound in the mouth:
'unalert sunder sound from sense, sink to silence
slip away.'
and another - good structure here:
'happy in the lightning and all wicked cackling'
and i like this coupling:
'the sheer here'.
i really like the bit about wanting to make the space between breaths into a home, a place to stay.
and this little section:
'the sky
is no longer a continuous integrated space
birds disappear, fly into adjacent dimensions,
as if words fell through
a / slit
in the page.'
very good!
and 'quiche scandal' - that's a good title for something.
I liked all the sky/cloud/references, more than the interior ones. Cuddling the wind was good. And jerking with bad emotion.
Towards the end, the sequence ending with SORRY EVERYONE is very catchy. And then the bit about the walrus dragging itself over the pavement, that was a good image.
Good stuff, might read the other one in a few days.
