A day in the life

WashYourHands

WashYourHands

Cat Malogen
Could’ve woken up with a butchered erse. That's the randomness of life. The person stood in a bus stop whose biography would melt your head and i've heard a few, but being British, there's a persistent reticence to engage which makes me gag

Day in a life - 4hours sleep, woken by some doss cunt a few doors down going off about a delivery. You know the kind, cuuuunt of a human. Bleary mind then gets confronted by being compelled to play cricket-fusions by offspring, cereal everywhere, action men for stumps. Hold the bat the wrong way round deliberately to show them how it's done. Talked to Mrs S over the road, 80 odd widow and had to arbitrate with her about "giving direct advice" to the cuuuunt about manners. Wicked sense of humour though. Zero fear. Snoozed for about 4minutes, then got hit across the shin by action man stumps. Hid in the shed but got found. Went down a wormhole of street food vids making lunch, all of which weighted and reinforced inadequate key skills, like dicing and being prepared fully. Wife got home from work and went straight to bed, shattered. Did our bike cruise out. The vote is for fishfingers tonight, as per any democracy, which i've been forced to yield to. Outflanked again from gerrymandering. Could sleep for weeks
 
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IdleRich

IdleRich

IdleRich
Terrible wasted day trying to get a doctor's appointment on Thurs, but almost saved by the hilarious Catch 22-esque moment at the end:

At our GP you can't book appointments except for the same day and you have to book them by going to the surgery when it opens at 8am and queueing until you get to the receptionist and then they give you a slot for later that same day.
So on Thurs we went to the surgery waited outside from 8am.... we queued for almost two hours.
But when we got to the front they said "Oh, there are no appointments left today, they were all taken ages ago"
So why the fuck did they let us stand there like lemons for two hours? Why didn't they tell us... and there were loads more people after us still waiting for non-existent appointments.
Liza said "But we got here at 8am, that's the time you open, what are we supposed to do?"
And the receptionist looked almost proud and said "A lot of people come and start queueing at 5am".
We're not ill, we're just having some very simple tests done so we can change our UK driving licence to a Portuguese one.. but what if you were ill? Are you seriously expected to get there at 5am and stand outside for a minimum of three hours just to book an appointment? How can that be right?
Then the best bit, literally like something out of Catch 22; they handed us their card which has a number on it and said "This is our phone number, you can make appointments over the phone" and so now we are really confused and angry, and we said "So we just drove here and queued for two hours to try and get an appointment and we failed and it ended up being a complete waste of time, and now you're telling us we could have just rung this number and booked an appointment that way?" and they said "Yes. But there is one thing though - we never answer that number cos we're too busy with all the people here".
Click to expand...

Brilliant! "Here is our card, this is the number you need to ring to make an appointment - oh but don't bother ringing cos we never ever answer it." - it's exactly like Major Major Major Major (I think it's him) who books appointments for people to come to his office, but only at times when he won't be there.
 
yyaldrin

yyaldrin

in je ogen waait de wind
i got threatened with a knife last saturday and then the next day the person who threatened me called me to say he knows where i live. i don't think he actually does but i bought myself a baseball bat just in case anyway.
 
luka

luka

Well-known member
smash his fucking face in. attack is the best form of defence. do you owe him drug money?
 
Clinamenic

Clinamenic

Binary & Tweed
Ask him to bring cufflinks and other S&M paraphernalia as well, in order to assume the psychological offensive and put him on the defensive.
 
william_kent

william_kent

Well-known member
to be honest it'd be better to have a claw hammer by your front door, it's a household implement that is better explained than a bit of kit for a game that no one in europe plays - that's why Manchester gangsters have a set of golf clubs in their car - it's more excusable than a baseball bat
 
yyaldrin

yyaldrin

in je ogen waait de wind
william_kent said:
to be honest it'd be better to have a claw hammer by your front door, it's a household implement that is better explained than a bit of kit for a game that no one in europe plays - that's why Manchester gangsters have a set of golf clubs in their car - it's more excusable than a baseball bat
Click to expand...
playing golf is popular in manchester?
 
version

version

Well-known member
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