version

Who loves ya, baby?
how much space you have to move in. how bright the colours are. whether it's possible to smile. whether it's possible to cry. whether it's possible to feel desire. how vigourous and clear your mental activity is. how easily and deeply you can breathe. this very basic but all important stuff.
I couldn't do any of these things on the bad trip I had. All the colour drained out of the world, I wanted to cry but couldn't and my hands turned into the hands of an old man, went all grey and shriveled.
 

luka

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i haven't had it quite as bad as that bu i know t i've talked to you a lot about these various hell-worlds we move through. or i move through at any rate, from time to time. this is what i'm getting at. i think it's the crucial thing. the very texture of our experience and the parameters of that experience. what is permitted to us. can we feel sexual pleasure and desire. how much information can come through the eye and ear and fingertips. how intense are the sensations (too much, too little, just right?) how secure do we feel? how real do we feel? and etc etc etc
 

pattycakes_

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@pattycakes_ I dunno, I didn't make too much, I remember it was night, we were on the roof of one of the uni's buildings. It felt like a way of handling three dimensionality in all the darkness, of properly situating the people around me in the group without much light, without maybe all my perceptual functioning there

where have ya posted about it?

 
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pattycakes_

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Found these too

There's a part 2 a few posts down


Good thread that
 

luka

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that was unbeleiveably bad that trip. the only real bad one i've ever had. it was like having my mind wrenched apart but it wasn't just psycholigcally distressing it was physically painful
 

luka

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but i didnt let it put me off i boshed a load more a few days later and had a nice time. even so the ill effects are still with me albeit i had a fall drunk and split my head open on my birthday and that seems to have changed things for the better. i dont even want to talk about all the nasty stuff that came in the wake of that bad trip. really fucked up. would put a lesser man off drugs for life
 

luka

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ah... i'll try. it's still fairly raw. im kind of flinching internally at the thought of it.
 

luka

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basically, very briefly, my mopey mate asked me to take him to devon to get over splitting up with his stupid girlfriend who was terrible for him anyway and help him to get over his stupid weed addiction. so hes miserable and hes going without his pacifier. in other words, bad vibes. we arrived and stupidly i took him to the pub and we got wankered. i had a terrible terrible nights sleep with vivid hideous nightmares and woke up feeling severely out of sorts, menaced by bad juju.

and everything was telling me not to take the acid. i knew it was stupid but i did it anyway. we were in a garden and it was coming on ok, nothing very strong or beautiful or special, and bear in mind id been at it non stop for a year or soemthing, almost every week so it was almost boring by this point but you know, i was having some interesting thoughts and what not although im not used to tripping with other people and hes not used to tripping at all so there was some unease there and uncertainty......
 

luka

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and then i cant remember why but we walk out of this walled garden in the grounds of a stately home and onto the roads and the more we walk on the road the more everything feels wrong. very wrong. just a sense of modern world eating at the edges of the wilderness, taking bite after bite out of what is left of the natural world and equating that with a simialr loss of private inner space. the collapse of inner and outer into a single permeantly exposed public space. this is what i wrote about in 'The Feed'

Spring. The primroses are out
and the worst has already happened.
The Threshold has been crossed. There
is no longer any Inside, any Out. No
Sanctuary, no Stronghold, no Escape
no Hiding Place. Horror
beyond endurance and here,
we endure. Hell.

And as they ate, scorpions appeared in the dust about their feet.

Collapse of all boundaries and all discrimination. Mind shredded. Bone grinding against bone. Mind shearing. We are broken. Nothing coheres. Nothing is allowed to cohere. No separation, no sanctuary, no hiding place.

Before a thing can form it is torn apart. This is what it means to be expelled from The Circle.
 

luka

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i had a feeling ive had before of having a bill and teds bogus journey wager with death but this time losing. the white lotus opened then turned purple black. and i was in hell. bones grinding together in my head. jibber jabber voices. everything bordering on unbearable. very close to total breakdown really
 

luka

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as if humanity had crossed the rubicon and there could be no inner self any more.
 

pattycakes_

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It's really the only way we can be honest with ourselves, innit

Do you still believe there's no inner self possible?
 

luka

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um. i havent proceeded on that basis. i think it was a delusion but at the same time was pointing to something real, if only on a metaphorical level
 
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