Can You Eat like a Civilized Human Being?

luka

Well-known member
Staff member
I'm not into that decadent continental thing of oh you must eat your dinner like you're making love to a beautiful woman. I like to tear into my food, wolf it down as fast as possible, spill most of it down my front and be finished half an hour before everyone else at the table, impatient to get back to playtime.

I reckon Leo is a slow, lingering, considered eater. Licking an olive and pronouncing on its quality. Version definitely cuts his up into even, bite sized pieces, very methodical and deliberate, thoughtfully chewing each mouthful a set number of times. Craner probably forgets to eat half the time, a mouthful here and there between glasses of wine. A slice of Sainsburys chorizo, an anchovy or handful of sea salt and Chardonnay vinegar crisps. Rich is either very very fast or painfully almost antagonistically slow, I can't decide which, probably the latter.
 
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Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
Staff member
I'm not into that decadent continental thing of oh you must eat your dinner like you're making love to a beautiful woman. I like to tear into my food, wolf it down as fast as possible, spill most of it down my front and be finished half an hour before everyone else at the table, impatient to get back to playtime.

I reckon Leo is a slow, lingering, considered eater. Licking an olive and pronouncing on its quality. Version definitely cuts his up into even, bite sized pieces, very methodical and deliberate, thoughtfully chewing each mouthful a set number of times. Craner probably forgets to eat half the time, a mouthful here and there between glasses of wine. A slice of Sainsburys chorizo, an anchovy or handful of sea salt and Chardonnay vinegar crisps. Rich is either very very fast or painfully almost antagonistically slow, I can't decide which, probably the latter.
Rich invariably eats like it's the first thing he's eaten in a week.
 

Leo

Well-known member
I wish I ate a little more slowly, considering and savoring each bite. but I'm a slightly above average speed eater, nothing like you luka. I used to be made fun of for cutting up most if not all of my food first and then eating, as opposed to the more dignified cut/eat, cut/eat. I still occasionally cut everything if the food is piping hot and needs to cool a bit. cuz want's worse than burning your tongue.

I sometimes try holding the knife and fork like you guys do, not bad for some foods but ridiculous for others. why try to pile things on the curved back side of the fork instead of the curved front, you weirdos?
 

woops

is not like other people
I used to be made fun of for cutting up most if not all of my food first and then eating, as opposed to the more dignified cut/eat, cut/eat. I still occasionally cut everything if the food is piping hot and needs to cool a bit. cuz want's worse than burning your tongue.
i understood this was standard u.s. practice
 

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
Staff member
I sometimes try holding the knife and fork like you guys do, not bad for some foods but ridiculous for others. why try to pile things on the curved back side of the fork instead of the curved front, you weirdos?
I'm not sure anyone actually does this. Holding the fork with the tines curving outward is when you're in stabbing mode.
 

beiser

Well-known member
when I was a kid I did the elaborate ritual where you cut with the knife in your right hand and then swap hands before bringing it to your mouth. must have picked it up by osmosis. seems completely unhinged to me now. these days i just move my head to the plate and grab what I can, like I'm bobbing for apples.
 
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