luka

Well-known member
What's a good example of something always on its toes
Watch the Tom and Jerry. But otherwise, read the famous Angel Delight poem sequence. It's not a general rule for poetry, it only really applies when you want to go mincing through the lilacs.
 
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luka

Well-known member
Your lines are very flat and unmodulated which stops them feeling like 'poetry' can you feel how flat and prosaic 'giving the owner a pretence of power' feels for instance? Or how ungainly the alliteration of walled off wings is?
 
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luka

Well-known member
The final stanza is better in that two images lend it some life, the collar buttoning and the trophy collection.
 

luka

Well-known member
If you actually focussed your attention and tried you would probably do pretty good. I dunno.
 

sus

Well-known member
Your lines are very flat and unmodulated which stops them feeling like 'poetry' can you feel how flat and prosaic 'giving the owner a pretence of power' feels for instance? Or how ungainly the alliteration of walled off wings is?
No I can't feel it! That is very worrying. I should be able to spot such things! Otherwise how can I ever write anything good?
 

luka

Well-known member
Well you do write good prose so you've got some kind of ear. Maybe it just doesn't translate into poetry I don't really know
 

sus

Well-known member
Well you do write good prose so you've got some kind of ear. Maybe it just doesn't translate into poetry I don't really know
I would like to find out and learn I am going to ponder and study and then pester you more probably because it seems like writing good poetry and prose lines is the same skill and I need it
 

luka

Well-known member
We all feel this way, in the catastrophe
disassembled like birdsong
ascending at sharp angles, articulated,
very swift and sudden in each
change of direction, pivot
and placement
of the succeeding plane.
 
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sus

Well-known member
We all feel this way, in the catastrophe
disassembled like birdsong
ascending at sharp angles, articulated,
very swift and sudden in each
change of direction, pivot
and placement
of the succeeding plane.
Whereas this has some energy shifts
 
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