Children
- Thread starter sus
- Start date
-
- Tags
- technology
Mr. Tea
Let's Talk About Ceps
Was his IQ 146?
john eden
male pale and stale
Well luck is certainly part of it but she is a fully functional adult thus far.
I have to say the tone of the OP irked me a little. It's a bit as if anything emotionally important can't be said without being pissed and deferred a bit via humour. I say this 'cos I've had a lot of similar reactions from my mates who don't have kids - you get this kinda bravado about it which can grate and look a bit sad by the time they're in their 40s.
Having said that, having kids is pretty fucking amazing, though like anything that important, it totally upends your life. The whole process of seeing your partner's pregnancy and (if you'e lucky) a good birth is just incredible. The fact it happens thousands of times a day doesn't make it less miraculous. And then you get to see your kid age, grow, learn, this weird little animal becomes human. I'm deeply interested in all aspects of this due to being an aspiring psychotherapist but they seem to me like vital parts of life that its a shame not to experience. It does take attention and time away from yourself and your own pursuits of course, and that's always a trade off. There's definitely "before" and "after children" in my own life. But those are the breaks and you're never going to have a life free from conflicts that come with career, work, responsibility, relationships, ageing and so on. Kids are part of that mix (or not, maybe, depending on you).
Having said that, having kids is pretty fucking amazing, though like anything that important, it totally upends your life. The whole process of seeing your partner's pregnancy and (if you'e lucky) a good birth is just incredible. The fact it happens thousands of times a day doesn't make it less miraculous. And then you get to see your kid age, grow, learn, this weird little animal becomes human. I'm deeply interested in all aspects of this due to being an aspiring psychotherapist but they seem to me like vital parts of life that its a shame not to experience. It does take attention and time away from yourself and your own pursuits of course, and that's always a trade off. There's definitely "before" and "after children" in my own life. But those are the breaks and you're never going to have a life free from conflicts that come with career, work, responsibility, relationships, ageing and so on. Kids are part of that mix (or not, maybe, depending on you).
I should probably add - I kinda referred to this above but not explicitly - not to have kids is also a choice (certainly if you're with a long term partner). And it's one that comes with it's own deferrals, regrets, gains and losses. I don't think it's necessarily easier to grow older without kids and a family, though it's a choice quite a few of my friends have taken. I suppose I'll get more perspective on this as the years pass.
Corpsey
bandz ahoy
When you're perpetually single like me, the appearance of children (like the appearance of girlfriends/boyfriends/husbands/wives) tends to portend nothing much more than a shrivelling of your own social life.
I'm happy for my friends who've had children but I'm increasingly sorry for myself. I don't envy them or feel any desire whatsoever to have children myself (small mercies), it's more that those of my friends who do have children are out of the picture for certain activities that used to make my life more fun.
That's where the attitude Danny talks about comes from I think, at least in my case. You want to feel that your friends are suffering for their decision to have kids, that they can't sleep, they can't party, they can't have a free moment to themselves cos (this is the voice somewhere deep down in you) they've ruined your life.
And of course the parents are experiencing this primal sense of fulfillment and joy which is absolutely not what you want to hear about in your isolated state. Tell me about how terrible it is as a parent - I don't want to hear about how your life was meaningless before you stared into your child's eyes.
I try to recognise when my depression is causing me to act resentfully towards friends of mine who have done nothing to deserve it, and nip it in the bud. Probably this post makes me look like an arsehole but it's honestly what I feel, even when I'm not aware I'm feeling it.
I'm happy for my friends who've had children but I'm increasingly sorry for myself. I don't envy them or feel any desire whatsoever to have children myself (small mercies), it's more that those of my friends who do have children are out of the picture for certain activities that used to make my life more fun.
That's where the attitude Danny talks about comes from I think, at least in my case. You want to feel that your friends are suffering for their decision to have kids, that they can't sleep, they can't party, they can't have a free moment to themselves cos (this is the voice somewhere deep down in you) they've ruined your life.
And of course the parents are experiencing this primal sense of fulfillment and joy which is absolutely not what you want to hear about in your isolated state. Tell me about how terrible it is as a parent - I don't want to hear about how your life was meaningless before you stared into your child's eyes.
I try to recognise when my depression is causing me to act resentfully towards friends of mine who have done nothing to deserve it, and nip it in the bud. Probably this post makes me look like an arsehole but it's honestly what I feel, even when I'm not aware I'm feeling it.
Corpsey
bandz ahoy
It's funny nowadays you've got all these digital channels people with kids are constantly pushing them in your face.
Again, I sympathise with their overwhelming love of their child which makes them feel I would really love this video of the child gurgling.
If I ever accidentally impregnated someone and had a child I'd probably be sharing photos of them on Instagram Nd WhatsApp too. To everybody's complete indifference. (Is this me being a cunt, or just being a man? I feel like women love seeing videos and pictures of other people's babies, I dunno...)
Again, I sympathise with their overwhelming love of their child which makes them feel I would really love this video of the child gurgling.
If I ever accidentally impregnated someone and had a child I'd probably be sharing photos of them on Instagram Nd WhatsApp too. To everybody's complete indifference. (Is this me being a cunt, or just being a man? I feel like women love seeing videos and pictures of other people's babies, I dunno...)
I get what you're saying Corps, I was trying to kinda cover both sides in my posts. Or rather point that it's not just a binary between freedom and nappy tyranny. Aging changes shit as well and even if I didn't have kids, I probably wouldn't be going out and smashing ounces of ket ( leave that to our man in Lisbon). Most of my mates who don't have kids seem also to lead quieter lives these days.
Benny Bunter
Well-known member
I dont think you sound like an arsehole at all corpsey, as a parent myself.
Another big issue is that many people regret becoming parents but it's still a taboo to even express it, especially for mothers.
I don't regret it but I would never judge anyone that does regret it or anyone that doesnt have children, by choice or otherwise. Since becoming one and having to mix with other parents in the park etc, I'm aware they can be some of the most annoying judgemental people out there and I try and not to get sucked in to all the politics (though sometimes I'm sure I do)
Another big issue is that many people regret becoming parents but it's still a taboo to even express it, especially for mothers.
I don't regret it but I would never judge anyone that does regret it or anyone that doesnt have children, by choice or otherwise. Since becoming one and having to mix with other parents in the park etc, I'm aware they can be some of the most annoying judgemental people out there and I try and not to get sucked in to all the politics (though sometimes I'm sure I do)