Corporate statements


Well-known member
Christ, a client just asked me to draft a statement they can put out about violence against Asians.

I get it. We all condemn violence against groups, or anyone. But it's all so perfunctory, bordering on cringeworthy. I'm not particularly comforted by, or think more highly of, Heinz beans because they tweeted support for South American immigrants or objections to bullying.

Statements are either generic (and meaningless) or overly impassioned (which usually means embarrassing). I'll bet I could take the BLM statement I wrote for them last summer, swop out a few words, and they'd be happy.
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is not like other people
But corporate statements are all utterly deliberately meaningless or actively misleading!


Well-known member
"Attacks against Asian Americans, especially the elderly, have increased in California and cities across the U.S. in recent days[,] and violence against members of the Pan-Asian community has continued to rise since the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic. All acts of hatred and bigotry are wrong. Consistent with our values and our diversity and inclusion principles, we want to reiterate our commitment to ensuring that KPMG is a place where all can thrive. This is core to who we are."

Yup. Next time I need a corporate accounting firm, I know where to go.


in je ogen waait de wind
all of these companies exploit the global south and are thus directly committing violence to these communities.


Well-known member
everything comes in the form of boilerplate "sentiments" under a corporate letterhead, readily beamed onto your social medial timeline. it's the PR economy, do your tie up and get on with it.

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
Staff member
The best ones of these are the totally inappropriate ones, like when PornHub exhorts us all to commemorate those who died on 9/11, or when Jack Daniels wishes the world a happy Eid al-Fitr.

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
Staff member
everything comes in the form of boilerplate "sentiments" under a corporate letterhead, readily beamed onto your social medial timeline. it's the PR economy, do your tie up and get on with it.
Only a matter of time before one goes out that says "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet..." or "Peggy, please put something moving and sincere-sounding here before sending it out."

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
Staff member
all of these companies exploit the global south and are thus directly committing violence to these communities.
Yeah, I'd have an easier time believing Apple cared about Asian people (or anyone at all, beyond their shareholders) if their factories in China didn't need suicide nets under the windows.


Well-known member
The worst I've seen, if it was legit, was someone on Insta trying to do the BLM thing but with a yellow square instead of a black one.


what is so wrong with popular pressure forcing corporates to commit to ethical principles?

Write them something tight, @Leo, and we will squeeze them later if we find them offending


Well-known member
The Last Words of Hassan Sabbah

Oiga amigos! Oiga amigos! Paco! Enrique!
Last words of Hassan Sabbah,
The Old Man of the Mountain!
Listen to my last words, anywhere!
Listen all you boards, governments, syndicates, nations of the world,
And you, powers behind what filth deals consummated in what lavatory,
To take what is not yours,
To sell out your sons forever! To sell the ground from unborn feet

I bear no sick words junk words love words forgive words from Jesus.
I have not come to explain or tidy up.
What am I doing over here with the workers, the gooks, the apes, the
dogs, the errand boys, the human animals?
Why don’t I come over with the board, and drink coca-cola and make it?

Explain how the blood, and bones, and brains of a hundred million
more or less gooks went down the drain in green piss!
so you on the boards could use bodies, and minds, and souls that
were not yours, are not yours, and never will be yours.
You have the wrong name and the wrong number!
Mr Luce Getty Lee Rockefeller

Don’t let them see us, don’t tell them what we are doing!
Not the cancer deal with the Venusians, not the green deal –
don’t let that out,
disaster, automatic disaster.
Crab men! Tape-worms! Intestinal parasites!
Like Burroughs, that proud American name?
Proud of what exactly? Would you all like to see exactly what
Burroughs has to be proud of?
The Mayan Caper, the Centipede Hype,
Short-time racket, the Heavy-metal gimmick?
All right, Mister Burroughs, who bears my name and my words buried
all the way
for all to see,
in Times Square, in Piccadilly,
Play it all, play it all, play it all back!
Pay it all, pay it all, pay it all back!

Listen to my last word, any word
Listen, if you value the bodies which you would sell
all souls forever, short time,
minutes to go, blue heavy-metal people –
don’t let that out,

Are these the words of the all powerful boards, syndicates,
of the earth?
The great banking families, French, English, American,
squeezing the air.
You want Hassan Sabbah to explain that,
to tidy that up.
You have the wrong name and the wrong number.
for this you have sold your sons forever?
the ground from unborn feet forever
And you want the name of Hassan Sabbah on your filth deals
To sell out the unborn?
I rub out all the formulaes and directives of the Elders of Minraud forever
I rub out the word forever.


Abdel Rahman al-Abnoudi
“The Prisoners’ Laughter.”

Flirting with its bars, the birds sing

and the cell, for your sake, hates the jailer.

Come taste with us the sweetness of the prison cell.

On its floor, you stretch your legs

your jailer, at a loss to describe you,

however hard he tries, will never know you.

The sun’s a stubborn torch ... it won’t set,

it worries for you,

the sun grieves like every prisoner.

And the night, your partner in patience on this journey,

sings … and the night is inky in its darkness

its songs of suffering passed down from those who came before.

In the dark, reproach Egypt and coax her,

you who’ve for so long loved her

twins, in a moment of passion born.

Blessed are the unjustly imprisoned.

In a time that tricks and procrastinates,

you are suns shining in dark places

The guards’ steps outside the window

The sound of shoes with you through the night

Your jailer, it’s he who needs a lawyer.

The war and those who boldly fought it

were both Muslims, friend, and Christians.

Can we profess a religion and deny the other?

Those who plant between us a wall of separation,

dividing us, one group hating the other

intend: the one Egypt to be come two.

A salute for you … written it in my own hand.

Pay the price of your love for your Coptic brother

Although, in origin, all of us are Copts.

Those who died in the revolution’s square

Was their blood red or black?

Tell those who’re trying to divide the blood.

The cry is low but it shakes the universe,

the fool warns the rose: “hide your color.”

What does the ox know about garden breeze?

Evil lies drunk on the edge of the square,

soldiers block the breaking dawn

while you write a path for those to come.

The revolution’s a light and its thief is sly

Dancing between the martyrs and the prisoners

While the squares are still soaked in blood.

They don’t repent ... nor does the past teach them.

They hear nothing except their own words.

Not for them the talk of land and plant.

We say “yes” and they say “no”

and to tell the truth, they have a point

for you made the revolution with a blog.