being mean and rude because someone is kind and polite

Woebot

Well-known member
the oldest tale in the world.

such an easy trap to fall into - on both sides

being too kind - as well as being too mean...

what's the way around it? to just be totally neutral?

usually i make a decision - is this person "x" a dog? if they are a dog i kick them - then they are happy. kick dogs - until they learn. sadly, usually they never do.

or, i guess, one just ignores the dogs till they go away.
 

martin

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For a cishet male, I have one hell of a catty inner diva. It's a terrible strain to be polite, sometimes! But I keep her in check by writing mean things about musicians (including the ones I like).

Some people can keep up a polite, calm outer appearance while mercilessly winding up others. I've fallen for this frequently in the past - somebody just bugs and bugs you until you erupt, then, ta da!- they have proof you're volatile, rude and unhinged, unlike calm, collected 'them'. It's a sneaky tactic, but it's best to try and avoid falling for it in the first place.

So yeah, I'd say don't swing too far either way.
 

WashYourHands

Well-known member
Lockdown/Covid has brought more politeness out, as far as I can tell. People smile. In Britain. The scandal. Even the Inland Revenue phone cunts were light hearted fairly recently. It’s contagious, pun intended

Dunno, as a stoned Dad my perspective is questionable, believing you can mediate with people reasonably without pinning them up against a wall and going all Scottish
 

martin

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I feel like I've been doing a bit of this recently - it's one of my special powers, unfortunately
Actually, that is a useful skill, and can be funny.
Lockdown/Covid has brought more politeness out, as far as I can tell. People smile. In Britain. The scandal.
I really thought this during Lockdown 1.0 but it seems to have gone to shit this year. Well, round my way anyway.
 

boxedjoy

Well-known member
I think people can be mean and rude in different ways and the circumstances and intent behind those behaviours will affect how I respond to them. Having worked in retail/service jobs most of my life, and growing up with the internet, I can say confidently some people are thoughtless, ignorant and self-centred... and some people are just utter cunts. With the former, 99% of the time it's never about the person on the receiving end of it and much as it's hard to always do I try to frame the unintentionality of it as a way to be empathetic. But with the bullies and the bigots it's simply not worth being respectful of people who have no intention of ever affording you back that same respect.

I think with the pandemic, people have generally continued being who they are - nice and kind, or awful. It's just that it's much more obvious because the awful ones are no longer just inconvenient but actively dangerous, and that becomes increasingly aggravating. Have you been surprised by the people around you who've turned out to be the way they've been this past year?

There's a lot of this #bekind rhetoric in the air, especially after Caroline Flack's death, and I hate it. I do not have to "respectfully disagree" with people who view me as Lesser because of my identity or anyone else's. Fuck them.

Maya Angelou's "when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time" is something I keep in mind a lot.
 

version

Well-known member
I assume everyone's a potential psycho, so remain as neutral as possible and generally refuse to be drawn into arguments, confrontations etc. You've no idea what other people are willing to do until they do it, so don't give them any reason to.
 
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Simon silverdollarcircle

Well-known member
Actually, that is a useful skill, and can be funny.

I really thought this during Lockdown 1.0 but it seems to have gone to shit this year. Well, round my way anyway.
Yeah I've gone on about this before but in lockdown 2 London really seemed to lose the pretence of not hating each other
 

blockhead

Well-known member
was just saying this to the lads down cafe oto
 

catalog

Well-known member
"Dissensus, contrary to its name, has become like Cheers with marijuana instead of beer - you pop in, say something of no consequence or interest to anyone, don't even listen to what other people are saying, have your basic story about the world reinforced, blearily feel good about yourself, then wander out again"

Er, guilty m'lud
 

Simon silverdollarcircle

Well-known member
Back on matt's original post tho. I reckon it's better just to be nice to people and deal with the chance that they'll sometimes fuck you over. Of course they do (although they'd probably fuck you over if you weren't nice too). But on balance it's better to err that way that risk being not-nice to someone who's actually alright, I reckon.

Vaguely similar thing - always give spare change to some one who comes up to saying they need it. Of course some of them are blagging but better just to accept that as part of the deal for helping people who do really need it.

Such is my philosophy. Namaste, lads. Namaste.
 
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