Long rambling post coming up (fair warning to those such as Leo and Woops who find them very boring - apologies)
On Saturday - after the incident mentioned in the Fight, Fight, Fight thread the three of us went on to have a really good night. It was just me, Max and Aidan and we ended up going to Ministerium Club (inventively named cos it used to be the ministry of finance or something) and had a great night. When it finally closed at 9 or 10am we all left together and ended up in a cafe where we had few beers and coffees. And it turned out we had some chang left which we took it in turns to get stuck into - and i remember Max coming back and saying how much he'd left or tried to leave or whatever - and it really struck me that both of these guys (I want to say all three really, I hope it's true) are the type of people who would always do a smaller bit so that other people got their fair share... do you know what I mean? When a bill goes round some people are really keen to pay the right amount cos they really don't want to pay more, to my mind both of these people want to be absolutely certain they don't pay too little. Not cos they are wealthy but cos they are nice guys - in that small way sure, but really in every way I think. I honestly think that both of them are very nice people that I'm happy to count as friends....
And I guess it was that time of day and the mood I was in and so I felt that it was a good time to try and express that. I'm not sure I got it across as I meant to but at least I tried. And after a little while we moved on to another bar and Max went home - I suspect he had been up since Thursday at least so he was tired - but Aidan and I carried on and we sat in a bar by the station drinking until about 3pm. And I'm glad we did cos we had a very interesting conversation that covered many topics but - of relevance here - we talked a lot about the nature of friendship. I remember in particular saying that I've often noticed how Aidan is someone who is quite willing to say how much he likes people, to their face or otherwise, and he said that he though that it was important to say that sort of thing. We also talked at length about two of my good friends - let's call them Steve and Matt (cos that's what their names are) whose lives, I think it's fair to say, took a different path to mine, in that when they graduated from university they got a "good" job and stuck at it and then they got married and had kids and I described how when last I had seen them or spoken to them they had both been evaluating their lives - both of them have arguably "won" at the game of life in that they are wealthy and happily married and both are wondering what to do next.
It's not even that they are dissatisfied, the fact that interests me is that both of them are now in a position where they have time and money to say "what now?" cos I think that most people - or most people I know at least - are always too busy keeping their heads above water to really have time to think in this way. And the two of us were debating whether those guys are happy and which of them is most happy and how my friendship with them has changed and whether it is possible for an online friendship to be as deep and good as a day to day friendship. I'm particularly interested in this last question cos lately I've been thinking about how if you have a friend who lives in a different country (or even just a different city - or really, just someone whose schedule means that you don't see them very often) then, if you're realistic about it, you can work out how many times you are likely to meet up again. Or at least you can put an upper bound on how many times you will meet.
For example, one of these friends I mentioned above - Steve - is a solicitor with two kids who lives in Bristol and I tend to meet up with him every two or three years. Given we are both in our mid-forties then, if one looks at the situation in a somewhat cold and calculating - but honest - fashion then it seems that, unless something changes, we are unlikely to see each other again more than about twenty times (at the most). And you could apply this kind of reasoning to lots of people you know - although of course it has become especially relevant to me lately given that I have moved out of the country that most of my friends live in... and Aidan is from Australia so for him it's even more the case.
And I have been thinking about this subject with respect to Steven - and I wonder if maybe he has too cos not too long ago he sent an email to me saying that although he doesn't email me as much as he should he still loves me and always will. Language which I would consider uncharacteristic for him, but which I appreciated. And was saying to Aidan that I believe that online relationships can be very deep and strong - perhaps not AS much so as ones in real life, but still good - and my reason for saying that is cos I have some friends I met online and some I only know online, and I have also always had a very good online relationship with Matt (the other guy I mentioned above) - which noticeably changed when he had a kid. But I do think that you have to work on it being good - with Steve for example our conversations might need to recognise that our main relationship is online and to stop saying or thinking things like "I'll tell you when I see you".
Anyway, after hours of drinking I went home to get my records ready to DJ and I promised to put Aidan and Max on the guestlist - which was no mean feat cos there was supposed to be no list for that party, but somehow I managed it.... but both of them blew me out the cunts.
