Pervert Of The Day

[WashYourHands]

knew a bloke who ran a hotel that doubled as a knocking shop

worst form of slob, 25 stone unwashed monster, kitted out rooms with video cameras and would attempt to blackmail anyone stupid enough to say too much. took every drug, moved stolen kit, fenced stolen drugs which is how we met. always carried a tool and wasn’t shy about using it

he ended up dosed with some downers and slashed up, one of the most bloody vigilante moves. had a distinctly noncey aroma, liked short skinny petite girls, sweaty, massive gut hanging over stinking half suit trousers and these weird moccasins

loads of teachers at one school were overt nonces, one was half battered to death in front of his family 20 years later by lads here after a prosecution came through, not condoning violence more the crimes destroyed lives and retribution escalates in its own way in its own time irl

 

[pattycakes_]

Most British/morbid thread on the D

Could only've been made by @Mr. Tea

 

[WashYourHands]

Nazi pervert Mr Tea?

 

[WashYourHands]

 

[pattycakes_]

The same!

 

[pattycakes_]

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[Mr. Tea]

.

knew a bloke who ran a hotel that doubled as a knocking shop

worst form of slob, 25 stone unwashed monster, kitted out rooms with video cameras and would attempt to blackmail anyone stupid enough to say too much. took every drug, moved stolen kit, fenced stolen drugs which is how we met. always carried a tool and wasn’t shy about using it

he ended up dosed with some downers and slashed up, one of the most bloody vigilante moves. had a distinctly noncey aroma, liked short skinny petite girls, sweaty, massive gut hanging over stinking half suit trousers and these weird moccasins

loads of teachers at one school were overt nonces, one was half battered to death in front of his family 20 years later by lads here after a prosecution came through, not condoning violence more the crimes destroyed lives and retribution escalates in its own way in its own time irl

Most British/morbid thread on the D

Could only've been made by @Mr. Tea

🤔

 

[Mr. Tea]

It's a new day. We need a new pervert. Come on, people!

 

[pattycakes_]

coming right up

Speaking of facts, it's true about the vending machines with schoolgirls' knickers in them, isn't it?

I'm serious. First we hype this mutha to the max with a massive viral marketing campaign on social media. Get people talking about it in RA, Vice, Crack, wherever, before it's even been released. Pre-release digital cover art by @yyaldrin and @catalog as highly limited NFTs. Organize a launch party (IRL and virtual), drop the comp as a simultaneous digital and physical release across all major formats. First 23 vinyl copies are hand-signed by all contributors and come with a reproduction "Phial of Galadriel" pendant containing 3 ml of Belle Delphine's bathwater.

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Don't forget the used-underwear-vending machines and the hentai!

 

[Mr. Tea]

Look out, @version, there's a new Archivist in town!

 

[william_kent]

from today's Manchester Evening News - I don't know if this really counts though, just treat it as a slow pervert news day

 

[pattycakes_]

menopause 2.0

 

[WashYourHands]

A mate was speaking yesterday about a wanking addict he knew of. The person was regularly wanking 14 times a day, to the extent that on more frequent wanking sessions he began ejaculating little specs of blood clots in whatever was left of his semen

It’s objectively funny and tragic. At what point to you think hang on, overdoing this? He’d even attended A&E with cellulitis in his groin after wanking with a flayed, scabby cock and not regularly cleaning the area. Wish it was exaggeration

One of the few cases where you chuckle initially but, on the drive home last night, little soundbites from the conversation kept intruding - couldn’t help but feel a bit for the bloke

 

[pattycakes_]

I always like the bill hicks line where he asks is it a bad thing when all that comes out is air?

 

[Mr. Tea]

from today's Manchester Evening News - I don't know if this really counts though, just treat it as a slow pervert news day

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That's the spirit!

 

[Mr. Tea]

A mate was speaking yesterday about a wanking addict he knew of. The person was regularly wanking 14 times a day, to the extent that on more frequent wanking sessions he began ejaculating little specs of blood clots in whatever was left of his semen

It’s objectively funny and tragic. At what point to you think hang on, overdoing this? He’d even attended A&E with cellulitis in his groin after wanking with a flayed, scabby cock and not regularly cleaning the area. Wish it was exaggeration

One of the few cases where you chuckle initially but, on the drive home last night, little soundbites from the conversation kept intruding - couldn’t help but feel a bit for the bloke

Third: "14 times a day? Pathetic! Typical anglo, no stamina or discipline. Needs more amphetamine and a Rotterdam Terror Corps CD to keep time... [cont. for 94 pages]"

 

[william_kent]

That's the spirit!

I thought it was a bit "vanilla" to be honest, but it is from that day's local rag

 

[william_kent]

it's not "today", but the vacuum cleaner incident reminded me of when I was told about a guy, a successful banker, and this is entirely anecdotal, I was told this by a couple of "ex" ( yeah, sure), heroin addicts.. anyway the guy would hire a "friend" of these people to collect as much dust and household detritus as possible, and "their friend" would hoover it up until the bag was full, and then the banker would pay "their friend" to insert the contents up his anus and then wrap his nether regions in clingfilm before he headed off to his days work... apparently the thrill involved retaining all that crap while being high powered and business like...sweating, straining...trying to keep it in even although his body is saying no, it must be released...

also, same people told me that the correct way to insert a fish is tail first, head first the scales cause problems when you try to remove... ( actually it was a doctor who told them that in A&E, lest it happen again )

 

[version]

it's not "today", but the vacuum cleaner incident reminded me of when I was told about a guy, a successful banker, and this is entirely anecdotal, I was told this by a couple of "ex" ( yeah, sure), heroin addicts.. anyway the guy would hire a "friend" of these people to collect as much dust and household detritus as possible, and "their friend" would hoover it up until the bag was full, and then the banker would pay "their friend" to insert the contents up his anus and then wrap his nether regions in clingfilm before he headed off to his days work... apparently the thrill involved retaining all that crap while being high powered and business like...sweating, straining...trying to keep it in even although his body is saying no, it must be released...

The War On Dust

Partly on watching interstellar. Partly as sunlight and return of spring. Housework in the revelation of Light. Partly in light of dispute/misunderstanding with Padraig. Partly Barry and Reynolds pretetending to not yndersrand poetry. This as symbol takes on some of its freight from the Bible...

dissensus.com

 

[william_kent]

again, not "today", but due to todays heat I was reminded that a few months ago a friend of mine discovered my copy of "Deviant Desires", a production of Andrea Juno after she parted company with Vale ( both of RE/SEARCH fame ), and she was amused by what she was reading and mentioned to me this passage from the introduction and couldn't believe that I had no recollection: "what? don't you remember Turkey Man?!"

YEARS AGO A NEW YORK DOMINATRIX TOLD ME ABOUT A CLIENT SHE called Turkey Man, a travelling businessman who hired her to come to his hotel room and act out a strange erotic ritual. In his room he had a large brown cardboard box that was about three foot tall, three feet wide and four feet deep. He crudely drew a few knobs and dials on the front of the box with a marker to make it look like an old-fashioned oven. He also cut out a door that could be opened and closed. When the dominatrix arrived, this man stripped off his clothes, leaving on only his socks. He then climbed into the "oven" and lay down on his back, his feet sticking up and arms tucked to his sides - just like an oversized Perdue™️ oven-stuffer turkey.
The dominatrix would then close the "oven" and perform a voice-over for Turkey Man's private porno fantasy. "I'm turning up the heat. I'm setting it to 325 degrees. You're going to get really hot. You'll feel like you're suffocating. You'll feel your skin crisping and turning brown. In about fifteen minutes, I'll come back and baste you in your own gravy. In a few hours I'll carve you up with my carving knife. Then I'm going to eat you!" She described to me her client's total immersion in his role as dinner-to-be. His eyes would glaze over and he would tremble from head to foot. He was in an ecstatic trance. If all the right psychic buttons were pushed and in the correct order Turkey Man would have an orgasm. He would ejaculate then and there without any kind of genital stimulation.