clumsiness

STN

STN

sou'wester
This week I have inadvertently clattered two women in the face with my elbow. One a friend, one a total stranger.

I have also bumped into a coffee table and got my t-shirt caught on a doorhandle.
 
Z

zhao

there are no accidents
in berlin directly in front of many front doors of apartment buildings there is often a drain thing covered by a grill on the floor, which is welded to the cement, you know, so that excess rain can presumably flow into.

well one sunday morning 6:30 AM i got out of the taxi with all my gear from DJing all night, exhausted, all kinds of drunk and high. so i got to the door and was like "thank GOD I'm home... now i can just go inside and not even take a shower and just stretch out..."

so i take my keys out, and reach to put it in the door and... you know what happened next.

the unthinkable. i was staring down into the dark recess of the drainage hole like OH FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK !

went to a couple of bars across the street that were still open, got some coat hangers and key chains and what not but as the sun came up i could clearly see that they were much too short. thought about calling my land lords but remembered they were in Tokyo for 2 weeks.

ok. so my only option was basically wait on the street for 3 hours and then call my friend and go crash at her place. and go couch surfing for 2 weeks until landlords get back.

did not sound good to me at that moment in time.

so as a last desperate measure, at the suggestion of some drunk kid walking home, i dial the berlin Police department. phone is answered within 2 rings:

"hi, i have a very stupid but very real problem, and i'm not sure if you can even help me..."

i was cut short:

"whatever your problem is, I'm sure we can help you. I'm sending a car right now."

i was like holy shit. wow.

and no more than 5 minutes later a car pulls up. and get this: 2 police officers step out, jolly as fuck, WITH BIG SMILES ON THEIR FACES, and say "how can we help you!"

"um. i'm really embarrassed about this... you see..."

they look into all options and in the end i took a rope they had and made a hook with a wire and they helped with the high power flash lights and i was able to retrieve the keys, which were almost entirely hidden under leaves and trash, miraculously, in a matter of minutes.

they were real surprised: "wow! good job!" and as they left i said "hey i'm sorry to have bothered you with this stupid bullshit..." at which they gave hearty laughs and said: "it's OK we don't have anything better to do this morning anyway! at least it was a good laugh!"

.....

my conclusion?

1. be careful at all times despite being, especially when, fucked up.
2. berlin cops are fucking cool.
 
Z

zhao

there are no accidents
and looking back the nightmare could have easily not ended there. if it had been raining, as is very common in Berlin. for instance... shudder to think :eek:
 
STN

STN

sou'wester
You cannot be that clumsy if you managed to hook them out with a long rope!

I once had this casual job painting the house opposite where this girl I really fancied lived. I thought I'd woo her by being all rugged and labourer-like but actually what happened was I arrived on site carrying a bucket of paint and a bucket of water and immediately slipped over, landing on my back covered in paint, water and despair.
 
Y

Yoghurt Sothoth

Lord of the files
zhao said:
in berlin directly in front of many front doors of apartment buildings there is often a drain thing covered by a grill on the floor, which is welded to the cement, you know, so that excess rain can presumably flow into.

....

they look into all options and in the end i took a rope they had and made a hook with a wire and they helped with the high power flash lights and i was able to retrieve the keys, which were almost entirely hidden under leaves and trash, miraculously, in a matter of minutes.
Click to expand...

Yoghurt Sothoth endorses your technique
 
Z

zhao

there are no accidents
well all that typing was worth it if it brought out my favorite poster on all the internets :D

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M

martin

----
Once shoved the end of an umbrella through a thin paper partition at a sacred Japanese site, I've been worried about karmic payback ever since. Crashing a moped into a stone wall in Ireland and losing my bollocks for 2 days was another.
 
M

mistersloane

heavy heavy monster sound
martin said:
Once shoved the end of an umbrella through a thin paper partition at a sacred Japanese site, I've been worried about karmic payback ever since. Crashing a moped into a stone wall in Ireland and losing my bollocks for 2 days was another.
Click to expand...

where did your bollox turn up in the end?
 
N

noel emits

a wonderful wooden reason
mistersloane said:
I put a little fairy spell
Around the thing that you've just said
Such that you'll return again
And tell us about the rings, you bastard.
Click to expand...
I think he just did but I'm hoping no one else realises. They're mine, all mine!

;)

So I reckon yog is either another poster here or has a google alert on the word 'drains'.
 
M

martin

----
zhao said:
:slanted:
Click to expand...

Well, the second incident happened years before the first. But then I know nothing about Buddha's attitude towards the time cycle. Maybe he's going backwards and that was my comeuppance. As long as I don't get a sharpened umbrella through my eye socket, I'd be so humiliated to die that way.
 
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