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Respectfully, bollocks It's like dancing inside a dream Like dancing inside a painting (I was going to say that "One and Only" is the Sistine Chapel of d&B just in terms of the scale and grandeur, but keeping it ambient-aligned, probably should say Monet's Water Lilies or Matisse's "Swimming...

It certainly is

I think this is the winner.

No, that's my point - I don't have a direct connection to any of these people, they are barricaded off by publicists, assistants, you name it. Plus I've slagged off Morrissey a bunch of times and he holds grudges.

There are loads of music podcasts - I've been a guest on a few - but I don't anybody is retiring off the proceeds. I love this idea that all I need to do is phone Morrissey and he'll be like, "no problem Simes".

Could actually do it in a bath.

Labrynth had happy hardcore nights and I remember things at Bagley's, a big venue, done by Double Dipped. Mind you, one time I went, the happy room - a huge cavernous space - was completely empty. Just us and this one pilled-up kid bouncing all around the room manically, like he was on an...

I haven't really. I am probably better at doing an interview and then writing it up to make both participants seem hyper-articulate and eloquent. Mind you I have done live on-stage things where I'm interlocutor to someone who has a book out and it's gone pretty well, so maybe. But I think...

In '94, when I was living in Belsize Park, I came across a record shop in Mornington Crescent - right round the corner from the tube station - dedicated entirely to happy hardcore. It seemed like a striking development: that there had been enough of a cleavage that you had a store that only...

Waterfalls, slight return - and Angus Maclise again + pals

Is a fjord a river? Can be. It is a name Norwegians use for inlets of the sea (so not rivers) but also for estuaries (where a river joins the sea) Are there any songs about fjords? Why, certainly! As you might expect, ECM has some. For instance, "Sommernatt Ved Fjorden (By The Fjord)"...

Lakes can be fed by rivers, or feed them. Plus there are these things called oxbow lakes that are created by bends forming in rivers and then the banks collapses and you get lakes forming. A really beautiful song by The Orb - it has an emotional gravity that I have rarely detected in their...

The lake - a static river. Okay it doesn't count but I stumbled on this look while looking up Angus Maclise

Then there's the Bourne Gutter - this is an example of something I never heard of until recently, "woe water". This is a stream that disappears for years at a time and then suddenly rematerializes, in the middle of farmland usually. Superstitious country folk regard it as an ill omen, a...

Once went searching for the source of the River Bulbourne (more like a stream than a river but it has that title). This is a body of moving water that passes through my hometown Berkhamsted. It's a winterbourne I believe, which means it can dry up during the summer. We did in fact track it...

A spring is the starting point of a river - or, depending on the size, a stream However with this song written and voiced by Stevie Nicks, I think we are again in the realms of mystic metaphor

Waterfalls are essentially vertical rivers - or stretches of river on a slope Mind you this "Waterfall" song is actually a metaphor or simile so perhaps don't count... Nor the famous TLC song

Leading lights of the cowpunk scene, Blood On The Saddle with a "high-octane" take on a 19th Century murder ballad. This has been covered by loads of people over the years, mostly country singers, but also Olivia Newton-John, bizarrely Blood On the Saddle actually had one really ripping tune...

Paucity of Springsteen fans on Dissensus, no surprises there - warrants inclusion as it is the title of a song AND a title of an album

“There's something about water that does it to me. I have to live near water. I couldn't live in the centre of the continent. I go to see the Hudson River nearly every day" - Arthur Russell But "Let's Go Swimming" appears to be about swimming in the sea judging by its "Coastal Dub" and "Gulf...