crappest party you've ever attended

[Jaie Miller]

when i was still in school we rolled up to this girl's house with an eigth of the finest peng imaginable, she was notourious for wearing a wig, cut a long story short we smoked up the peng and then she passed out, and we all left, then her mother called me on the phone spitting and cussing coz her daughter was 'foaming at the mouth' saying she was going to tell the authourities........oh well...was some good peng.

Raindance is pretty shabby, walked in, walked around, walked out.

 

[swears]

Think I would rather go for a good meal or have a boozy poker night than go to clubs/parties now.

 

[UFO over easy]

i love this thread!

the house wasn't destroyed luckily, but a party co-hosted by mine and ben ufo's old house, along with our neighbours in the house opposite was 'broken up' nastily by several dozen police in riot gear with dogs - numerous injuries as a result of unprovoked police attacks, one guy had his arm broken by a baton

I got glass in my foot damn it. that was really quite a good party though, until the filth turned up

worst was probably one of several during school which seemed to end by sitting on the floor attempting to comfort sobbing teenagers amidst the ruins of their plush, tastefully decorated suburban semi-detached houses. parties were a lot more edgey with that element of risk though. worst that ever happened to my place were a couple of broken bannisters and fucked carpets

 

[STN]

I had a house party last summer and it all went very well but I was so haunted by the spectres of teen parties that people had (I will never forget the face of a friend as he disconsolately fished his megadrive out of the fishtank and removed a slice of white bread from the games slot) that I downed a pint of buckfast and puked on the sofa. There is one person on this board who had the good fortune to witness it and the good nature to help clear it up.

 

[zhao]

Two friends of mine were DJing at a party ages ago (I wasn't there to see this unfortunately). Some cock insisted on MCing over them, so they told him that thier names were DJ Afterbirth and Sergeant Sound.

So he MC'd tirelessly all night with things like 'sounds of the sergeant, sergeant sound...', 'A to the F to the Tee, Afterbirth in the place to be...', etc etc.

i don't get it

 

[fokse vektaire xeven]

Think I would rather go for a good meal or have a boozy poker night than go to clubs/parties now.

you'll be making the classic drift from left to right next.

this isn't may crap party story- but the situation is an old school crusty south coast free party with a big bonfire and lots of dogs. everyone's tripping. the atmosphere suddenly changes as some thugs roll up round the bonfire and start getting rowdy. one of them is fucking around with one of the dogs. he gets a bit too lively and the dogs bites him. he puts the dog over his knee, breaks its back and throws it in the fire. my friends break out as unobtrusively as possible..

 

[STN]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2008/mar/17/news.socialnetworking

 

[Mr. Tea]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2008/mar/17/news.socialnetworking

Certainly not the first time something like this has happened.

Parents, lock up your teenage daughters - or at any rate, lock up their computers.

 

[straight]

i don't get it

go to a working class scummy d&b party in the uk and you will. Or go and see conrad.

 

[Connell]

somehow i ended up at a 'party' at a steriod freaks house out in the country with no easy way of getting home. i was young at the time and this was a fully grown man. i had partaken in a few narcotics and was in the toilet trying to urinate. after giving up trying to, i walked out to be confronted with the guy shooting steriods into his arm. i was a bit taken aback when he pushed me against the wall and demanded i tell noone.

i grabbed a tin of beer and went into the livingroom where his girlfriend and 2 others were sitting. the steriod guy came in with only his boxers on, and then began making lewd movements with his hands on his gentials. eventually he took off his boxer shorts and i immediately felt inadequate. this man was not lacking in any department. he then started to gyrate with his girlfriend so the other 2 people left. so here i was alone with this guy and his girlfriend. then he told his girlfriend i knew his sordid little secret and then she confided that she took it as well to keep her toned.

then they gave me more drugs and started confiding their lifes problems in me. there was one stage where i was at their kitchen table and they were getting out all these credit card statements to show me how much they owed the various credit card companies and i honestly could see a set of eyes sitting right above his real eyes, so it was like he was a cyclops, only with an extra pair, instead of just the extra one eye.

i dont remember much but the next day i woke up and they gave me a lift home.

stupidly i went back again for a 'party', and things lead to such a head that he was holding me by the throat and telling me to go to sleep or else. i havent a clue what happened but i had to get a taxi home the next day.

i never went back.

thus ends the tale.

 

[Martin Dust]

I went to a really rubbish after-party once with a good crew but this one guy just kept filling the silence with his stupid voice and sayings. You could feel the tension and stares but he wasn't picking it up - well not until two of the lads picked him up and gave him a leg and a wing out of the open patio window, nothing special in that but we where two floors up!!!!

 

[Martin Dust]

Two friends of mine were DJing at a party ages ago (I wasn't there to see this unfortunately). Some cock insisted on MCing over them, so they told him that thier names were DJ Afterbirth and Sergeant Sound.

So he MC'd tirelessly all night with things like 'sounds of the sergeant, sergeant sound...', 'A to the F to the Tee, Afterbirth in the place to be...', etc etc.

That's brilliant, this guy was piss poor tho and emptied the room everytime he kicked off, I thought MC Rubbish was a good name, someone should use it.

 

[swears]

Me and my mate DJed at a party for his younger sister on Saturday night, her mates didn't like any of the music we were playing so we just streamed the Topshop playlist off their website and they loved it, hahaha. "Great tunes, mate! What was that one called?" "I dunno either, lol."

 

[BareBones]

haha, this thread is amazing. I've been to a lot of shit parties sadly. Most recently was on NYE a couple of years ago, got persuaded to leave a fairly enjoyable (which is the most i normally hope for on NYE) club by a friend who had to go with his girlfriend to a house party at one of his girlfriend's workmate's house. It was right up in north london and took ages to get to, and turned out to be so crap and depressing i just abandoned my mate and went home after about 10 minutes. It was about 15 people in a kitchen, the only music was from a tiny radio quietly playing dave pearce's new year dance anthems, they forced me to go outside in the rain to smoke, everyone there was a recruitment consultant and was just talking about their work. I celebrated the turning of the new year on the tube by myself.

I also remember ruining a really good party for all my friends once while i was at uni in sheffield. I was absolutely trolleyed on a combination on booze, weed, pills, coke, mushrooms, and ether. Then i decided it would be a good time to try acid for the first time. I started tripping quite heavily and wandered off on my own to endcliffe park and had a great time walking around the woods and climbing trees and stuff. i remember coming across a big clearing with a giant, beautiful oak tree, which i climbed and sat at the top of for about two hours in a blissful psychedelic trance. But my friends hadn't seen me leave and were now shit-scared i'd gone off and got run over or mugged or something, and spent the next few hours searching the streets of sheffield for me. Once i had sobered up I had about 50 super-worried voicemails on my phone from people asking where i was, and if i was ok, and in the background of the voicemails i could hear them going "shit, he's done acid for the first time", "what if he's DEAD?!" etc. So it was a pretty good party for me but kinda shitty for my friends.

Incidentally i think the clearing with the big oak tree was just a hallucination, because i took a couple of friends to find it a year or two later while we were all on mushrooms, but it was nowhere to be found and we ended up lost in the woods having this really intense, nightmarish trip in the pitch darkness, where every shadow seemed like a menacing and sentient black hole/portal into another, very evil, world.

 

[nomadthethird]

if I had a dollar for every time I had to babysit a virgin tripper for 10 hours or drive them to the ER because they were sure their panic attacks were heart attacks, I'd be Warren Buffet...

the worst part is they all squeeze the dropper very enthusiastically into their mouths as if they're professionals (or suck out/chew up paper hits, or whichever)...i've seen people dose themselves with 3 or 4 hits and then admit they've never done it before

really intense, nightmarish trip in the pitch darkness, where every shadow seemed like a menacing and sentient black hole/portal into another, very evil, world.

bad trips are just good trips where the magic turns evil...i kinda like bad trips depending on how long they last

ever notice how certain music can make bad trips much worse? cocaine and amphetamines are sure to bring on a really aggressive, scary bad trip...opiates or benzos make a nice peaceful epic one

 

[petergunn]

somehow i ended up at a 'party' at a steriod freaks house

i walked out to be confronted with the guy shooting steriods into his arm.

ah, yes, the ultimate party drug, steroids...

 

[STN]

ever notice how certain music can make bad trips much worse? cocaine and amphetamines are sure to bring on a really aggressive, scary bad trip...opiates or benzos make a nice peaceful epic one

don't ever listen to acid mother temple, just because it has acid in the title, you will regret it when you become convinced your world is governed by some festering organic computer.

 

[BareBones]

bad trips are just good trips where the magic turns evil...i kinda like bad trips depending on how long they last

yeah i agree, i've never had a solely 'good' or 'bad' trip really, there's always elements of both, and the line between them is always blurred. Whenever it's good it always seems on the brink, threatening to spill over at any moment into darkness, and vice versa. But the bad bits are always strangely fun and worthwhile i reckon - unless it's so dark/intense that you can't laugh about it afterwards. One of my friends had such a bad trip once that afterwards even smoking a spliff almost gave him a panic attack. But he was a pretty stressy/anxious/highly strung fella to begin with.

funnily enough there was a bit this morning in the pynchon book i'm reading that describes something almost exactly the same. A group of Siberian nomads regularly eating mushrooms: "There was apparently a two-part structure to the narrative, part one being pleasant, visually entertaining, spiritually enlightening, and part two filled with unspeakable horror. The fungomaniacs did not seem to put out at any of this, regarding one as the price of the other."

anyway sorry for turning this into a drug thread, more crap parties please

 

[Mr. Tea]

don't ever listen to acid mother temple, just because it has acid in the title, you will regret it when you become convinced your world is governed by some festering organic computer.

I had some really weird, trippy pills once in a tiny dark basement room in a club in Hackney, listening to this brilliant sorta cold, cyber-ish (but not in a cheesy way) techno-cum-EBM, thinking "Wow, this sounds like Gary Numan mating with HAL 9000". Yes, it was as as it sounds.

 

[Tentative Andy]

Never been to a party that was 100% crap, I think that's 'cause I'm quite choosy about which ones I go to. I have, however, had a notably crap experience in the run-up to a party:

Back when I was in uni, a girl on our course decided to host a 'Tim Burton party' where everyone had to come dressed as a character from one of his films. I felt this was moderately pretensious as a party idea, but to be honest I quite fancied the girl at the time, and I knew from past occasions that her and her flatmate and their immediate circle of friends were all good fun, so I reckoned if the party had a lot of poseur types I could just hang out wiht people I knew.
However, I'm not exactly the best at dressing up, so after faffing about with various ideas, I decided that my best bet was to go as the Joker, as performed by Jack Nicholson. I was making a decent stab at it, but thought I really needed a proper approximation of the jacket and tie for it to work. There was a charity shop near my flat where I knew I could pick up clothes for very little money. I went in there on the afternoon of the party, found a tie which I still think is pretty nice, and a sure enough, a purple jacket - only problem is that is was obviously designed for a female wearer.
I marched up to the counter with, and got just a bit of a look from the male assistant. Now, what I should have done was just ignored him, shoved over my money and got out of there with the clothes pronto. But instead, I blurted out "Uhhh.. the jacket's not for me." He was like, "Oh right?", and then I had to go and say "It's, uhhh... for my girlfriend, it's her birthday soon. She likes purple stuff, and she's keen on giving to charity, so I thought I was quids in with this." He obviously didn't believe a word of this and started to joking to his female colleague about how I would probably be putting it on as soon as I was out on the street. I left with a very red face.

So the actual party was still a laugh, but as you've probably guessed, this was mainly an excuse to tell that story. Needless to say, I've never been back to that shop.