"There was no homophobic banter". Really, come on, Luka. That's just gaslighting. I just don't like it, it makes the space feel non-inclusive, and I would like it to be as inclusive as possible.
As to the rest...the thing is, your studied, patronising coldness and that split-off part of you that allows you to treat people terribly, does more damage to you than to me. Massive creative adjustment (ask Barty, his Dad's a Gestaltist, right?)
BUT here's the twist...
You cited temperamental differences when you were haranguing Droid... it's amusing how wrong you are, actually.
We both obviously - could anything be more obvious? - had a critical parent or parents, and have a very critical voice as a result of that that comes out both at others and at the self. There may well be lots of differences in degree and detail, but broadly speaking, I find you so fucking annoying because I *recognise* that part (duh - this really is therapy 101). I don't care if you believe me or not. I know from my own experience that it leads to a weakened central ego and a split-off part that can be an absolute cunt to other people and to the self - I know that like I know my own hand. I accept that part of why I am so annoyed is that that part exists in me too, and I dislike it.
But I also recognise the other, central, part of you, that's obviously not at all like that. And that's why I can't be *that* annoyed at you, ultimately. You're actually quite nice in person too, and I can vouch for that even if only a couple of times.
You can treat that with disdain if you like, but that would be your defences. What I have said will still be the truth, and you know it. This is dialogue like you wanted, getting down to the heart of the matter, not hiding behind intellectualism (too much).
Thanks Droid, Sufi, for kind words. Much appreciated.
I'm outta here if we can't be emotionally real with each other. What's the point of spending years in the same space otherwise? I'm so fucking bored of maleness and defensiveness right now.