what makes a nightclub good?

[ambrose]

tips to club owners:

give people somewhere to escape heat sweat and misery ie QUIET

AIR FUCKING CONDITIONING...it might be costly but fuck you if you dont provide it

big enough cloakrooms. see above.

nice beer, not shit cheap piss.

minimise coke intake. fuck that shit.

dont make the design difficult to negotiate - no narrow doorways or passages if they connect different dancefloors

FUCK OFF unisex toilets. fuck off fuck off.

pathetic allusions to "glamour" are unnecessary. no one looks glamourous with sweat all over them,. even if they paid at a "reception area", and theres a VIP lounge. everyone looks the same at the end of the night: tired, bored, pissed off, hot, drunk, fucked.

stop being greedy bastards adn cramming people in. why not let enough people in to make some money and get a good atmosphere, instead of trying to strecht the fire capacity.

guestlist - no no no no no no

dont skimp on a soundsystem and buy cheap then whack the volume up so high it sounds shit and everyone leaves with ringing ears. either turn it down or buy quality.

listen to your customers! dont treat them like scum, luka is entitled to his contempt, but high and mighty club management are not.

the best club is my iving room cos it fulfils most of these criteria (except the soundsystem one)

 

[minikomi]

i agree about airconditioning!

what are peoples opinions about 'genre' nights? do you think it enhances or detracts from a club to say have hiphop night, electronica night, indie night ... or would you be more interested in attending one which had say all three in one night? or two of one, with a curveball thrown in? i think this option is the best.. a few bands with some electro at the end or something..

oh... and you dont have unisex bathrooms in your house?

 

[jed_]

i feel quite lucky to live in glasgow, there some pretty great clubs here actually including the best one i've ever been to - The Sub Club.

 

[polystyle]

Give it a rest

I came back in tonight and again saw this thread .
Jeez man > reread what you wrote - half the responses to your own opening query are by you .
What's next , arguing with yerself ?
Sit down for awhile , it's already hot enough

 

[3underscore]

i feel quite lucky to live in glasgow, there some pretty great clubs here actually including the best one i've ever been to - The Sub Club.

Still a victim of the air conditioning point though, isn't it jed?

 

[stelfox]

I came back in tonight and again saw this thread .
Jeez man > reread what you wrote - half the responses to your own opening query are by you .
What's next , arguing with yerself ?
Sit down for awhile , it's already hot enough

have to say i agree. these threads where dominic types reams and reams of stuff, sometimes even arguing with himself(!), are really difficult to read. way better to sit down, work out what you think and then type it in as succinct a way as possible, then people will bother to read and reply.

 

[adruu]

Dom -- I bet you type 80 words a minute or something...

Anyways, I tend to stick to the - it's not where you are , it's who you are with - mantra, and I gave up on the idea of the PERFECT space a while ago.

No-no's in a bar or club
Large Crowds
People with excessive use of hair product
TV's
No buybacks
Shot's more than $5 - No Tap Water
Homogenous crowds

Which in New York means I only go out if I know a bartender, or it's Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday and an open bar is involved. Weekends are for work.

 

[minikomi]

oh and never EVER EVER charge for water... or 'for the service' as they like to say.

 

[dominic]

have to say i agree. these threads where dominic types reams and reams of stuff, sometimes even arguing with himself(!), are really difficult to read.

okay -- duly noted

and sorry for being so defensive -- but it was really hot and humid yesterday

 

[turtles]

hey it can also be quite interesting too dom, don't self-censor too much!

anyway, i'm surprised no one's mentioned dress codes yet, or perhaps that just too obvious a no-no. certainly a club having some sort of fancy dress code is the surest sign that the club will be filled with arrogant pricks and just generally suck ass...

i'm generally not a club fan myself (more of a pub/bar/party with friends kinda guy), but i think that may be more because i've yet to find a place in vancouver that consistently provides the right kind of atmosphere. basically i hate trendy people, like cheap drinks and would appreciate something other than top 40 or tired rock classics.

 

[Backjob]

elephant. room. glasses. cunts.

Er yeah, quite funny to have a thread about good nightclubs with dozens of replies discussing what kind of haircuts people should have and the details of the interior decor and amenities but not one discussing the point of going to fucking clubs in the first place which is to, er, dance

I've been to great yuppie clubs (a lot of yuppies are hot, but they don't bother dating scruffy fuckers, get nice clothes or get over it whingers) and shit working class clubs, gay clubs which aren't meat markets and underground techno nights which are. Most everything that people think matters, really doesn't.

Frankly I could give a toss if people are on coke, e's or high on life, how much they earn, what colour they are and who they like to fuck and whether they are mixed or homogeneous. A good club is a club where everybody dances and has fun doing so.

Anything which contributes to this is a good thing - air conditioning, soundsystem, sprung dancefloor, absence of grumpy cunts like Luka...

Anything which is irrelevant to it, is, er, irrelevant.

Also I reckon if you chat to lots of 19 year olds they'll tell you clubbing has lots of meaning to THEM.

 

[robin]

the most important thing is to make sure that people going to the toilets don't have to walk through the dancefloor
the club in dublin that most often has people i'd like to see playing didnt sort this out and as a result im rarely bothered going,same with most of my mates
it may sound like a small thing but if you're trying to dance its not at all

 

[droid]

the most important thing is to make sure that people going to the toilets don't have to walk through the dancefloor
the club in dublin that most often has people i'd like to see playing didnt sort this out and as a result im rarely bothered going,same with most of my mates
it may sound like a small thing but if you're trying to dance its not at all

I think a slightly more important thing is to make sure that the contents of the toilets dont end up on the dancefloor!! Theres a club in Temple Bar 'The Hub' (formerly Switch), in which the toilets in the bar upstairs used to (and may still if reports are accurate) leak and drip onto the club downstairs!!...

That said, Dublin is completely shit for clubs. You Londoners and New Yorkians are spolied rotten...