With poetry, for example, I'd really like to have a natural receptivity to it, to be able to read it and write it, it would really play into my egocentric desire to be a special intellectual visionary type and not just a mediocre wanker.
i think everybody can relate to this, the pit mentality takes those two versions of yourself, intellectual visionary and mediocre wanker, and convinces you they are concrete immutable consistent selves. and naturally youre the mediocre wanker.
whereas its probably more accurate that from moment to moment you can shift between those two poles and all other potential selves in a contradictory fashion, and that your capacity to reach the intellectual visionary state is not necessarily hampered by the amount of time you've previously spent in the mediocre wanker position.
the intellectual visionary state is an imaginative commons to which we are all entitled otherwise it doesn't exist at all. its very difficult to imagine what our notion of intellectual visionary state would be if we hadn't all been raised with centuries of propaganda about what this state entails, what it really, authentically looks like, and how it doesn't apply to people like you. but most people get fleeting experiences of it now and again despite not calling it that. you often have to try and force it a bit though, do something that might make you look like a mug, definitely very pretentious. i have found posting here helpful for it.