Smashed a window at school when I was 7, just high spirits. Me and one of my cousins in Ireland once got drunk on Harp lager (we were about 11) and tore down some haystacks in a field down the road - I got belted by the old man, who then forced me to eat 4 hard boiled eggs (I still haven't got a clue how this supposedly sobers you up). Did the usual kid thing of sticking objects up exhaust pipes, for which I'd like to sincerely apologise, in retrospect, to the owners - hope it didn't cause any permanent damage.
Took part in a school mini-riot where we trashed a load of lockers and glued up door handles, but I was only a minor participant. Had a job once destroying garden sheds, it was quite fun, just used to sledgehammer them til the concrete supports were left. Was once lugging a display mirror upstairs in Liberty on Regent Street and dropped it, causing it to shower broken glass over everyone below and cutting my hand open - the 7 years' bad luck thing is bollocks though.
Once got so pissed off with my (then) girlfriend one night, I destroyed her favourite chain belt by using it as a lasoo, kicked a hole in a wall (nearly breaking my ankle) and threw an uncooked potato at the head of someone who wished her happy valentine's day, which missed and took out a set of windchimes. Threw part of a dismantled park bench at a member of HM constabulary in Hyde Park and once conked a member of the BNP with a bottle - just for the record though, these two acts were committed under the influence of Marxist brainwashing, thank Christ I now realise the police are our friends and here to protect us from the wreckers of civilisation, and I've spent many an hour on bended knee, praying for forgiveness for these acts of sheer evil.
Once trashed a Nigerian bloke's fence when me and my flatmate stole a hoover from a student party and tried to sneak it back onto Camberwell Grove by cutting through a row of back gardens - a bit like that French film where the bloke dives from swimming pool to swimming pool. Received a caution for 'criminal damage' for that, thankfully it wasn't a white man's garden so the police let me go after a few hours in Walworth Road station.
I once blew someone's speaker up after I hooked a bass guitar through their amp. He took it well, though I never got invited round again, and I felt bad that I was too skint at the time to buy him a new one. Earlier this year, I helped someone to destroy a hotel room, which was sort of fun, though I really wanted to have sex with them instead. Oh, and at the moment I'm accidentally destroying my flat by trying to 'do it up', including a broken window. Another mirror went yesterday afternoon, at least I know I don't have the bad luck hanging over me but am dreading having to sweep up the mess tonight!
thanks, that was well cathartic
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