Friend with mental health problems

[swears]

I know a lad who's really flipping out at the moment, he's into conspiracy theories about the illuminati and area 51. Reckons people in black BMWs are following him around, constantly paranoid about people staring at him when they obviously aren't, to the point where he's gotten into fights. Keeps doing weird stuff like making us walk on the other side of the road when we going down to the pub because he can't walk on the the previous side for some obscure reason, I'm really worried because he has intense mood swings and can be very emotional. He's been diagnosed bipolar in the past and has had breakdowns before. I really don't know what we're going to do about it, best maybe doing nothing at all, but his parents don't seem to be very understanding. It's difficult to broach the subject with him, especially with all this conspiracy stuff he comes out with, anyone disagreeing with him is in for a heated argument.

Anyone been in a similar situation with friends suffering with similar conditions?
Any advice? Is it best maybe to just cut him off and let his family deal with it? I don't really want to see him sectioned.

 

[sodiumnightlife]

not sure cutting him off is a great idea...do you know the parents? Maybe try to arrange some sort of intervention where his friends and family talk to him to try and get him to get help? If he refuses and continues to be a danger to himself then you may have to try more radical action. I don't know what the deal is with getting people help if they don't want i themselves.

 

[swears]

I'm not sure if an intervention would be a good idea, I think that's more for drug/alcohol addicts. (although alcohol is part of the problem.) Surrounding a very paranoid person with people trying to get him to behave a certain way could just feed into his delusions. A "You're all against me" sort of thing.
This is the problem, almost any action we take could lead to him seeing it as part of a conspiracy against him. He's just getting worse and worse: quit uni, no job, drinking too much, having delusions about "illuminati" following him around, I worry about what's going to come next.

 

[adruu]

i knew a bipolar kid growing up. he had occassional anti-social spells, and he indulged in typical suburban drug use (pot shrooms lsd).

He eventually had one really big episode where he was passionately obsessed with Black Pyramids, Aliens, Illuminati, etc...etc...I think he spent some time at an institution, and he came back o.k., but we werent as close later. i dont know what happened to him. the last thing i heard was that he was living on the road.

i wish i had some positive advice or guidance but i dont. it depends how close you are to your friend. the parents have the biggest responsibility here.

 

[Mr. Tea]

I know a lad who's really flipping out at the moment, he's into conspiracy theories about the illuminati and area 51. Reckons people in black BMWs are following him around...

You know, I was beginning to wonder what had happened to Parsons...

(Sorry. Hope your mate gets some help!)

 

[Edward]

Well.... the best thing to do is talk to his parents. How awful are they? Have you spoken to them? Do they recognise there's a real problem or do they just think "he's being silly" or something?

If he's reached the point of attacking people, he probably does need to go into some kind of mental institution and get some medication and some counselling.
Medication can be a short-term thing to buy some time & calmness while they work things out, or it can be needed long-term or permanently with some people.

If his parents are very rich then he could go voluntarily to a private hospital which will be quite nice, or he can be detained there under the mental health act which would also be quite nice but he couldn't leave (which could be a good thing if he really needs help). Private psychiatric hospitals can easily cost thousands of pounds a week so they need to be loaded.

The NHS is OK for this stuff to but not such pleasant suroundings, lots of thieving etc...but they will sort him out. Getting them to take notice in the first place is next to impossible, communication with the NHS can make you feel like you are going mad.

You sort of have to wait for something really awful to happen that involves calling the police, and they can get him sectioned, or you could do something drastic like just turn up at the hospital and refuse to leave until someone sees him. The NHS helps those who make the most fuss.

I had to do this to my mum who was having serious problems a couple of years ago. It is a very hard thing to do. It's important to remind yourself that you are helping them and it's the best thing for them. It really is. If I hadn't had my mum sectioned she would be dead now. As it is she is mentally in better shape than she has been for a while.

Talk to the parents, try and convince them it's serious. Of course they are the number 1 most responsible people but some people have shit parents an need their mates to look out for them.

 

[petergunn]

I know a lad who's really flipping out at the moment, he's into conspiracy theories about the illuminati and area 51. Reckons people in black BMWs are following him around, constantly paranoid about people staring at him when they obviously aren't, to the point where he's gotten into fights. Keeps doing weird stuff like making us walk on the other side of the road when we going down to the pub because he can't walk on the the previous side for some obscure reason, I'm really worried because he has intense mood swings and can be very emotional. He's been diagnosed bipolar in the past and has had breakdowns before. I really don't know what we're going to do about it, best maybe doing nothing at all, but his parents don't seem to be very understanding. It's difficult to broach the subject with him, especially with all this conspiracy stuff he comes out with, anyone disagreeing with him is in for a heated argument.

Anyone been in a similar situation with friends suffering with similar conditions?
Any advice? Is it best maybe to just cut him off and let his family deal with it? I don't really want to see him sectioned.

hi

i have had this happen to like 6 friends of mine. i could start my own bi-polar/schizophrenic support group... and yes, completely irrational delusions of grandeur (if there were such things as UN black helicopters, why the fuck would they care about YOU?!?) is a grade A symptom of schizophrenia... honestly, from what you say, that would be my diagnosis, from my experience...

first off, you cannot cut him off, if he is a real good friend. basically, it's a sickness, a brain imbalance. it sounds like he needs to be hospitalized.

the weirdest thing is getting used to the idea that the person who is your friend is not that person right now.

sadly, from my experience, if someone is really out there, hospitalization and medication is the only solution. if you really really really trust his family, let them handle it. with my friends, i have trusted their family, and obviously i have had no say in what goes on re: medication, commiting, etc, but if they are your friend, all you can do is keep abreast of what's going on. is the hospital they're at a positive place? what meds are they on? if the family doesn't know, i would call them and talk to them. often times if you have to wait to get someone commited, there is often a criminal aspect that can be complicated. rather than wait til he hurts himself or someone else, talk to his parents. putting someone away is really really painful, as they don't think they are sick. that is the most difficult part. if you can make it thru that, it will be ok.

i am not sure of the process of commiting someone in the UK, but in the US it is tough. i hate to say it, but often the person is their own worst enemy where when they start talking nonsense to the judge, they basically talk themselves into getting commited...

 

[noel emits]

Your friend definitely needs his mates right now.

This might sound flip but in terms of something immediate you might be able to do to help just a little is to try and make sure he's getting some physical exercise - can you get him out for a bike ride or a game of football or something?

 

[IdleRich]

I had a friend with surprisingly similar problems. Don't really want to discuss it in a public forum to be honest but if you've got any questions Swears you can pm me. Can't really give any good advice but maybe tell you where we went wrong or something.

"sadly, from my experience, if someone is really out there, hospitalization and medication is the only solution"

Unfortunately that's what ended up happening with my friend. Can't really say it's helped that much except in the short term though. To be honest I don't know if there is anything that can be done.

 

[Gabba Flamenco Crossover]

I'm not sure if an intervention would be a good idea, I think that's more for drug/alcohol addicts. (although alcohol is part of the problem.) Surrounding a very paranoid person with people trying to get him to behave a certain way could just feed into his delusions. A "You're all against me" sort of thing.

Yes, definitely not a good idea. I think interventions are questionable in any circumstances, but with a paranoid schizophrenic it could be really dangerous, for him and others.

I think the first step here is to help him recognise he's got a problem, and that the problem is his perception of the world rather than the world itself. Like everyone with a mental illness he'll have good days and bad days - if you get him on a good day, try to talk about the delusions with him and get him to recognise thier unreality. Keep the tone light-hearted but be sensitive, and don't pursue it if he gets seriously freaked. Focus on one particular delusion or incident and work through it in detail - the goal is to get him to laugh at himself a bit, as in 'did I really do that?'. Let's face it, a lot of what schizophrenics think and do is pretty hilarious from an impartial perspective, so you shouldn't be short of source material. What you're doing here is giving him detachment from himself. Get the idea into his head that it's his perception of events that's at fault here, not the events themselves. The more that you and others can do this, the more likely he is to be able to retain at least some perspective next time the cloud descends.

It's important to understand that mental illnesses are the result of chemical imbalances in the human body - it's not a question of free will or a conscious choice of action, any more than cancer is. If it's as serious as you say, he may well be on medication for the rest of his life, but he has to take that medication, as well as keeping therapy appointments, staying out of harms way, and generally looking out for himself. That requires willpower and an honest awareness of his condition, which you can build up by talking to him about it in the right way (although it would definitely be a good idea to do this in conjunction with a course of professional therapy).

Hospitalisation should be a last resort unless he can afford to go private, which could cost an absolute furtune with a long term mental illness. Once people are in the system, it's a lottery as to the quality and type of care they get. Medication + professional therapy + family and friends pulling together is the way to go, unless the alternative is really unavoidable.

Don't be blind to your own safety either. You may trust him as a friend, but like petergunn says, this isn't the same person as the one you know - keep that in mind and trust your instincts. Don't persevere with a situation if it feels dangerous.

 

[haji]

strangely enuff i was researching the use of family/carer interventions with schizophrenics at the weekend,

google has tons of good stuff e.g http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/313/7056/505

although traditionally family intervention was not seen to be a good idea, in reality it can be very effective, as long as everyone's clear about what they're doing & family/friends don't get too EE = expressed emotion i.e. over or under excited about it... which will add to the pressure & make things worse
the reasoning behind not involving patients in their own care is archaic and is basically about stopping them from acting out

the following advice speaking from personal experience of a close friend who has been in the mental health estate for the past 10 years or so, & whose family therapy sesh i was in last month,

• keep your mate off the wacky baccy is also a good suggestion
• get him on the right meds and he should stabilise enough for family intervention or CBT to be effective
• don't drop your mate, he needs all the help he can get
• he will be much better off if he is not black

 

[Martin Dust]

Go with Edward's advice, it's spot on.

It can be really hard and your mate may even push you to the point of not wanting to bother with him any more. It's difficult to do but someone has to and he will thank you for it, although that may be years later.

m

 

[baboon2004]

It's important to understand that mental illnesses are the result of chemical imbalances in the human body - it's not a question of free will or a conscious choice of action, any more than cancer is. If it's as serious as you say, he may well be on medication for the rest of his life, but he has to take that medication, as well as keeping therapy appointments, staying out of harms way, and generally looking out for himself. .

If only everyone realised the validity of a comparison between physical and mental health, the world would be a much better place. You're definitely right about the medication: it's a question of being good to yourself, as you say, and of rejecting any kind of (outdated and ridiculous) stigma that might be attached to taking that medication.

Whoever said about keeping off the weed is absolutely right too. To say it doesn't help would be a huge understatement.

 

[swears]

Saw him again this weekend and he seemed fine. Behaving perfectly normally, no mention of delusions or persecution, totally relaxed as if he was a different person.
I hope this is permanent, but I think that's a bit optimistic.

 

[Mr. Tea]

That's how it often goes, isn't it - people have good days and bad days.
Do you think it'd be a good idea to talk to him (in as sensitive and non-accusatory a way as possible, of course) about his problems while he's with-it and in a good mood? I mean, telling someone who's actually having a paranoid episode that they're being paranoid can obviously be very counterproductive, so maybe now would be the time to talk to him about possible treatment if he relapses.
Or do you think that would risk undoing the apparent improvement he's made recently?

I'm just making a guess here, anyone with more experience in this matter should feel free to contradict this if they think it'd be a really bad idea.

 

[swears]

....Or do you think that would risk undoing the apparent improvement he's made recently?

.

Yeah, this is the problem. Talking about these things are only going to bring them to the forefront in his mind. Unless he has started taking medication or seeing a shrink and is on the mend.

 

[zhao]

not proposing any of this as an answer to his problems, but maybe would help:

encourage him to stay away from alcohol / drugs. and also start eating more raw greens. and excercise.... a clean body can only be good for mental states...

afraid it's not much to offer in terms of advice...

 

[swears]

zhao: That is good advice, but it's actually getting him to do it.

 

[Mr. Tea]

We're back to the old catch-22: trying to influence a paranoiac's behaviour or beliefs, however well-intentioned, is just going to feed his paranoia. Hence my suggestion about having a serious talk with him while he's compos mentis - as swears said, it could cause things to re-surface, but on the other hand, it's often the case that these things don't just 'go away by themselves' and that confronting issues can be the only way to resolve them.

(Mr. Tea accepts no responsibilty for advice given on Internet discussion forums...)

 

[mistersloane]

Small psychotic / manic / hypermanic episodes are really disturbing to witness, definitely keep him away from weed, and I'd try to get him to see a doctor so he can get lithium or something to keep him away from the full institutional thing if you can, once people get caught up in that system it takes quite a while to recover from it, good luck, I been there with people and it's totally not an easy one.