schemes
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swears
preppy-kei
Order stuff on stolen credit card numbers to an empty address where you've left a note saying that you're out for the day. Then go round, pick up your package from the back of the house, and sell it (games console, stereo, whatever... pick something easy to carry and valuble) on ebay, or to be extra safe, the local paper with a pay as you go moblie under a fake name. You'll have to change the pick up place on a regular basis of course, and you'll need a car and somewhere not in your name to stash the goods, like an old allotment shed or something.
Mr. Tea
Let's Talk About Ceps
How to commit the perfect crime: what you need is a bank account with at least a hundred quid in it, a cash card for said account, and a big fuck-off sombrero.
You don the sombrero, making sure it's pulled down low at the front so your face can't be seen from above. Approach a cash point that's not in use and stick the card in, then request a £100 withdrawal. The machine will proffer five crisp twenties in a neat little stack, at which point you carefully peel the outer notes apart and extract the middle one, being very careful not to fully pull the others out of the slot. Wait around for a minute or so, and the machine will decide you must have changed your mind or something, and retract (most of) the money, re-crediting your account with £100 leaving you with £20 in your hand.
And the best part is, if the money is missed and someone asks you about it, your face won't be visible on the CCTV recording and you can just blame it on the Mexican who stole your cash card.
You don the sombrero, making sure it's pulled down low at the front so your face can't be seen from above. Approach a cash point that's not in use and stick the card in, then request a £100 withdrawal. The machine will proffer five crisp twenties in a neat little stack, at which point you carefully peel the outer notes apart and extract the middle one, being very careful not to fully pull the others out of the slot. Wait around for a minute or so, and the machine will decide you must have changed your mind or something, and retract (most of) the money, re-crediting your account with £100 leaving you with £20 in your hand.
And the best part is, if the money is missed and someone asks you about it, your face won't be visible on the CCTV recording and you can just blame it on the Mexican who stole your cash card.
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Mr. Tea
Let's Talk About Ceps
If you want to make BIG money from drugs, you could always try becoming the CEO of a major pharmaceuticals corporation. It'll take longer to pay off that selling crack rocks on a street corner, but one great thing is you don't have to fear law enforcement, in fact you get to influence federal drug policy.
*polishes tinfoil hat*
*polishes tinfoil hat*
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noel emits
a wonderful wooden reason
There's always the risk of being prosecuted for seriously injuring 1000s of people due to cutting corners on your safety testing. Or conversely being killed by animal rights activists for squirting drugs in the eyes of little bunnies.
Mr. Tea
Let's Talk About Ceps
Meh, it's nothing a pack of attack lawyers/hired goons can't handle.
And what have the bunnies got to complain about, anyway? The lucky bastards are getting FREE DRUGS!
noel emits
a wonderful wooden reason
He did say get rich QUICK though. Otherwise I'd suggest starting a religion. But it would be nice to think that there are legal schemes that can compete with the illicit ones, much more satisfying.
Mr. Tea
Let's Talk About Ceps
Hmm, well in that case he could take up begging. I'm reliably informed that most beggars secretly live in mansions and drive Ferraris and whatnot.
empty mirror
remember the jackalope
Go to a busy intersection, arrange to be struck by an automobile while you are on the crosswalk, sustain an injury, sue! (In the USA, something as minor as a limp can earn you an easy $80,000.)
Mr. Tea
Let's Talk About Ceps
Rings, it's all about finding gold rings.
N
nomadologist
Guest
The absolutely perfect, foolproof get-rich quick scheme right now is wire-fraud using ebay.
Here's how it works.
You have to have a very very nice scanner and printer. Go to Chase bank (their checks are supposedly easiest to forge though i don't know if there are other banks that would do) get yourself a cashier's or bank check for $10. Save this for later in the process.
Go on ebay with an assumed address/fake name, etc. Buy some bullshit item worth a couple of hundred, preferably something an old or stupid person is probably selling. After you've won, tell the person that you're moving and you need them to send the item you just won through your movers. Ask them if they would mind taking a payment of a couple thousand, keeping their portion, then wiring the rest to your movers (because they live nearby or blah blah, make something up).
Scan your check into photoshop. Using bank account info (which you can buy easily online ) from a bank holder of some random dickhead (preferably with your assumed name) and make it out for a couple thousand.
The check will clear within a few days, and the person will skip off to Western Union and wire the money to "movers." By the time you pick it up at ANY LOCATION IN THE WORLD, there are still a few hours or days until the bank yanks the money from their account after realizing it was a forged check.
I actually know several victims of this scheme, and all of them were told by Western Union that it's the perfect crime, there's no way you can trace who is picking up the wire transfer because they can use fake names and do it at any location in the U.S. or world.
Here's how it works.
You have to have a very very nice scanner and printer. Go to Chase bank (their checks are supposedly easiest to forge though i don't know if there are other banks that would do) get yourself a cashier's or bank check for $10. Save this for later in the process.
Go on ebay with an assumed address/fake name, etc. Buy some bullshit item worth a couple of hundred, preferably something an old or stupid person is probably selling. After you've won, tell the person that you're moving and you need them to send the item you just won through your movers. Ask them if they would mind taking a payment of a couple thousand, keeping their portion, then wiring the rest to your movers (because they live nearby or blah blah, make something up).
Scan your check into photoshop. Using bank account info (which you can buy easily online ) from a bank holder of some random dickhead (preferably with your assumed name) and make it out for a couple thousand.
The check will clear within a few days, and the person will skip off to Western Union and wire the money to "movers." By the time you pick it up at ANY LOCATION IN THE WORLD, there are still a few hours or days until the bank yanks the money from their account after realizing it was a forged check.
I actually know several victims of this scheme, and all of them were told by Western Union that it's the perfect crime, there's no way you can trace who is picking up the wire transfer because they can use fake names and do it at any location in the U.S. or world.
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N
nomadologist
Guest
if you send me $1200 i could turn it into $4000 within a week. i charge a pretty high finders fee though.
N
nomadologist
Guest
insurance fraud is like candy from babies.
how do you think chop shops stay in business?
noel emits
a wonderful wooden reason
It's the huge mark-up on fishcakes and pickled eggs.
Oh, chop shops.
Oh, chop shops.