"I don't belong here"
The work environment typically warps character, mood, behaviour patterns in response to its falsity, being a place where most would not choose to be (accepting that I'm talking about menial work, rather than career choices such as science or surgery).
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Who is 'real' on this forum? To the extent that all present only sides of themselves, these sides being designed to give the impression of self-confidence, cleverness, 'cool', hip (!) etc. Because this is a public domain and even though no physical harm can be done to be 'real' still feels like an act of exposing your underside to attack.
To be honest, as opposed to 'fake', or not completely 'real' when it comes to being yourself, is to be braver than most. It reveals what faking it masks; that we are all prone to idiocy, ignorance, failings and a cartload of emotional responses which are either 'unacceptable' or render us weakened in the eyes of others.
There is the fake/real distinction, but then also the "I don't belong here" condition, which Burroughs talks about in the introduction to Queer. k-punk wrote some posts on related themes to this idea a while back, saying that it the working class who felt such unbelonging, whereas the ruling/middle class didn't, which is a line that clearly doesn't make a great deal sense in Burrough's case.
There is a class thing here, though, to do with the difference between the kinds of jobs where the people who do them are, in a sense, most fully themselves (who is Dick Cheney, for instance, apart from his position) and the kinds of jobs which are understood instead as "something which I am just doing for a while" - for instance, bar jobs, or restaurant jobs. Then again, people doing bar jobs don't get anxious about them, as there isn't the same level of existential/psychological involvement.
Which is maybe why Sartre's famous waiter is sort of nonsensical - or at least, seems like it today. He is playing at being a waiter, says Sartre? But who are the real waiters - the waiters to the core of their souls? Maybe someone like Stevens the butler from Remains of the Day?
A further point - I get a very strong sense of "I don't belong here" whenever I contemplate going into any location where I haven't been before, or - even in virtual space, posting on a board where I've never posted. I wonder if anyone could report similar.
Finally, I salute your apologia for honesty.