Chucking stuff at people

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
That's awful but hilarious. Should only be pursued in connection with a previous slight/heinous crime, I feel.
 

STN

sou'wester
I don't think she was discerning about her targets, to be honest. Like I say, I'm sure she's appalled by it aged 27.

What I find funny, I think, is the fact that those cups take an AGE to fill, so she'd be there, foot on the gas, inwardly cackling. To be honest, to look at her there's no way she could drink eight pints of anything, so the poor victims probably had a weary inkling that they were about to be covered in hideous, sticky liquid for the amusement of some callow youth who's never done a stroke of work in all her born days.

I also imagine the plastic of the cup distorting and spraying liquid as it hurtles through the air.
 

alex

Do not read this.
yea so last night over my local football club there is this car that has been left on the main road, and now has one of those 'the council will take this unless you move it' stickers on there, so I prompted a 'lets see who can smash the windscreen with a stone' contest. 5 attempts went by before somebody smashed the windscreen on the volvo behind...:-(
 

Brother Randy Hickey

formerly Dubversion
when i was about 8 i used to live in a crescent which meant that all the gardens met at an apex in the bottom (like half a piechart or something). Every day for quite some time I'd go to the end of the garden bearing a single egg. I'd spin round really fast and fling the egg as far as I could and then duck and listen for the impact... it was the random factor I liked
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
yea so last night over my local football club there is this car that has been left on the main road, and now has one of those 'the council will take this unless you move it' stickers on there, so I prompted a 'lets see who can smash the windscreen with a stone' contest. 5 attempts went by before somebody smashed the windscreen on the volvo behind...:-(

"somebody"?

Nice work. No, really.
 

STN

sou'wester
Years ago my mate's band were rehearsing in his garden, when the woman next door came out and said that her husband was ill and the racket was making him iller, so the band apologized and went indoors, where they became bored and then became drunk. Anyway, by way of amusement one of them found this mouldy old pineapple in the fruit bowl and they all went outside, whereupon he crouched down then leapt up, hoiking the pineapple as high as he could. He said there was a beautiful silence as the pineapple arced through the suburban sky. A silence punctuated only by the shattering of next-door's greenhouse as the pineapple crashed through it.

Other pineapple-throwing misfortune: my flatmate once threw a pineapple to me, only for it to go astray and hit a deaf bloke, knocking his hearing aid out. Proper fist in mouth stuff.
 
D

droid

Guest
Ive long suspected it, but this thread has confirmed it for me.

People who throw things at other people need a good slap.
 

jenks

thread death
you win - thread should now be locked!

I have been repeatedly giggling to myself over the hearing aid story for the last ten minutes
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
One of my friends was staying at my house last night 'cause he was working for a couple of days as a classroom assistant in a fairly naughty school in West London. At the end of break the kids (who are about seven years old on average) refused to come back in and Nick was sent to gather them. He soon had to retreat under a hail of stones - three of which hit him on the head. At the end of the day someone also threw a glass of orange squash all over him.
 

Dr Awesome

Techsteppin'
As a child, I remember going to visit our friends farm out in the whops. Me and my younger brother were playing (fighting) as young boys do. Anyway I picked up a small rock which I thought was dry clay or sandstone or something from a recently moved earthen embankment and threw it him from about 15m away. It hit him just a whisker above his right eye, catching the side of his face near his temple and tearing a fingernail sized piece of flesh off as it went.

Years later in college karma got it's way however, it was some sort of mufty day and my friend went all out and hired a giant orange costume (as in, the fruit). I was walking next to him during lunch time when out of nowhere a large apple smashed into the back of my head (so hard it exploded turned into mush) and as I stumbled forward I turned to see my attacker, only to get hit in the eye with an orange. My school bag bore the full impact of a old banana which disintegrated and covered the outside of it with slime.
It turned out we walked into a fruit ambush aimed at my friend, but because he was wearing a giant suit with only his arms and legs exposed everything bounced harmlessly off him, whilst I got pelted.
I got a big black eye from the orange and a nasty bruise/concussion from the apple. And for the rest of he day I smelt like fruit juice and was pulling bits of apple mush from my hair.
Mum and Dad didn't believe me when I came home and tried to explain the black eye and swollen head either.
 
Last edited:

STN

sou'wester
I should point out that he didn't mean to harm next-door's greenhouse and was mortified to have done so - he just wanted to see how high he could chuck the pineapple.
 
D

droid

Guest
when are you next playing london?

I might be over in October - if the plane manages to evade the barrage balloons of mouldy pineapple over London.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Top