shiels
_
one of the big things in my life was realising that there is no mask and youre fooling nobody
that was quite a frightening but ultimately liberting realisation. the mask is only a mask for the person wearing it.
youre a kind of puppeteer of the face
'puppeteer of the face' is perfect, who did you steal this from?
In terms of fooling nobody I'm the same way - failing to conceal how i feel in the moment 'what are you smirking about?'. so these days im more likely to try and hide my vulnerability by going the other way, cartoonising, exaggerated role play etc. again, doesnt always work but more fun
the interesting thing is that once you work this out and stop pretending you become much freer to throw yourself into different roles, you actually become way more protean as a result
There's a useful analogy in nature somewhere, I can't remember. maybe like a jealous and possessive lover guarding and being very insecure and killing the buzz. but the realisation that the person is not yours, stepping back a bit and allowing freedom and other relationships to bloom, seeing identity and relationships as collaborative and mutable... can free up energy