Are You Shy?

[version]

Booze is helpful.

 

[vimothy]

a lot of it seemed to be the result of too much skunk, as my usage dialed down, so did my shyness

 

[luka]

a lot of it seemed to be the result of too much skunk, as my usage dialed down, so did my shyness

Oh yeah, I forgot I did that too, you get trapped in the self. You can't make a sound. It's a strange and sometimes horrible experience

 

[luka]

Booze is helpful.

Also unhelpful

 

[luka]

It's like being conscious on anesthetics or something. You can see and feel them cutting your legs off but you can't do anything to intervene

 

[vimothy]

yeah thats what I was thinking about re the sudden onset of self-awareness

 

[luka]

There's loads of pictures of my dad sitting on his own gazing into space at parties and stuff. He could do it if he had to but his natural inclination was to avoid it.

 

[vimothy]

but now post-skunk I find that Im not actually that shy, in fact I often enjoy awkward social situations

 

[luka]

Can't believe I spent well over a decade heavily stoned from morning to night

 

[vimothy]

way more than a decade for me

 

[luka]

Even now I would never go to a party though. Absolutely no way. I would never introduce myself to strangers. I'd rather disappear.

 

[vimothy]

really? I think its kind of fun

 

[luka]

way more than a decade for me

Smoked for way more but perma-stoned for about a decade I reckon,

 

[constant escape]

I reached a point last year where, at the last party I've been to I believe, I actually sat down at a table amidst sticky cups and whatever, busted out my little notepad and began soberly and sternly taking notes on the situation. Seeing if The Analytic could prevail atop the crashing rapids of the socios at high tide. "We are all looking for a space to be a child" or some observation to that effect.

 

[vimothy]

I look back on the amount I used to smoke with a kind of detached disbelief - how did I function, how did I think I would be able to function? it's pretty bizarre

 

[luka]

Me too. It's incredible. How can you get through life like that. How can you get to work and everything. Always smoking. Always smelling of it. Always obviously high as a kite

 

[luka]

And what was it all about? Was childhood that traumatic?whats going on there?

 

[luka]

I didn't fully shake it off till I was in my mid 30s. Last big binge I had was 2018. Weird.

 

[vimothy]

I remember I had this pipe, which was like a bullet I wore on a lanyard, which had a big drill running through center so it cooled the smoke as you drew it in, and I would hammer this pipe before seminars at uni. and then go in absolutely boxed, and say nothing for an hour, tripping out as everyone else discussed shakespeare or frued or whatever

 

[linebaugh]

I worry about how Im going to renter into the social sphere. I like having friends, parties to go to, but Im also incredibly cynical and would rather do anything else. Last time I was regularly social I was contributing to The Scene which made it feel just slightly less vapid, enough to participate, but Im not sure how to go about it without that.