Are You Shy?

[luka]

Tbh that actually sounds really good. I think at that age I was going a bit mental

 

[luka]

I worry about how Im going to renter into the social sphere. I like having friends, parties to go to, but Im also incredibly cynical and would rather do anything else. Last time I was regularly social I was contributing to The Scene which made it feel just slightly less vapid, enough to participate, but Im not sure how to go about it without that.

What does Contributing to The Scene mean? Sounds sinister

 

[linebaugh]

I love the weed binge. But I never sustain it for more than a couple weeks, get bored I guess. The beauty of weed is that its the only drug you can do constantly all day without negative effects.

 

[vimothy]

Im pretty sure it has some negative effects if you do it constantly

 

[luka]

Me and vim have done extensive research on this question

 

[vimothy]

for me, anyway

 

[luka]

We are permanently brain damaged as a result of said research

 

[linebaugh]

not nearly as immediate. you drink beer/do uppers all day and you'll feel like death if not that night certainly the next day. Like Ive said Ive never been perma stoned longer than a couple weeks so maybe theres some threshold after

 

[luka]

It's true you'll never feel like death. You'll feel pretty good but there are some insidious side effects

 

[vimothy]

we used to make "lungs" which are kind like portable buckets, and just smash them repeatedly before nights out. I can't even imagine doing that now, it would be like a kind of nightmare

 

[vimothy]

why make yourself ultra-vulnerable before you go into this extremely social situation?

 

[luka]

You lose that sense of vulnerability from being stoned all the time thoug. Operating in that space becomes normal

 

[luka]

What is shyness? Fear of rejection? Getting it wrong? Not being able to uphold your end of the performance? Being misunderstood?

 

[vimothy]

true. Ive got mates who became full-time ketamine addicts and I think the same logic applies

 

[vimothy]

What is shyness? Fear of rejection? Getting it wrong?

for me, shyness is just that moment of panic you can't control, when you realise that everyone else has tuned into it as well

 

[linebaugh]

The worst was getting offered dabs at a party when you're too drunk to know better. The rest of the night becomes some torturous, clandestine clown act where you smile through the turmoil like a stepford wife on a high dose of prozac

 

[constant escape]

What is shyness? Fear of rejection? Getting it wrong?

Sensing a disproportionate amount of unfavorable social outcomes, hence playing it conservatively out of necessity. Learned, after being stuck under the wave for too long. Then you bolster/reify it by identifying it, as if you were meant to be stuck under the wave.

 

[vimothy]

and then its also the fear of it occurring, which ofc makes it more likely

 

[luka]

@sufi forced me to get stoned last time I saw him he always does. I'd had a couple of bottles of wine and I felt fine but when I tried to cycle home I couldn't make the bike go straight. I was just weaving. It was terrible.

 

[luka]

Sensing a disproportionate amount of unfavorable social outcomes, hence playing it conservatively out of necessity. Learned, after being stuck under the wave for too long. Then you bolster/reify it by identifying it, as if you were meant to be stuck under the wave.

Something about getting trapped in someone else's negative image of you