Are You Shy?

luka

luka

Well-known member
having done several experiments i know i have a deep seated need to be alone most of the time. a little bit of socialising to break it up. but not too much.
 
Corpsey

Corpsey

bandz ahoy
I think I am an introvert, but that when forced into socialising I can really enjoy it.

Also that spending time alone is a surefire way to get depressed, unless you have something to mentally occupy you.
 
Corpsey

Corpsey

bandz ahoy
Once in a while you do have those social situations which are agonising and you want to escape.

I always feel a bit relieved when I extricate myself from a social situation (even one I'm enjoying) and can be alone again.
 
Corpsey

Corpsey

bandz ahoy
Last year I was on holiday with three of my best friends for a week. There was barely any time spent alone for that whole period, and afterwards I got home to London, alone again, and realised that I'd not had any time or space to ruminate over things and get depressed for the whole holiday.
 
luka

luka

Well-known member
The sensation of being alone again after company is the best feeling ever. Free at last! Try and scrape that disgusting residue of other people off. That horrible paste they cover you with.
 
luka

luka

Well-known member
That's not always true obviously. Sometimes any given person can have 'a good vibe' and leave you energised and happy. Im not really a total misanthrope it's just fun to play that part
 
luka

luka

Well-known member
So long as I'm with people that let me play the part of a universal genius I'm happy. As I say it's about being able to impose your self conception on the shared social space. If they manage to force you into an uncongenial role it can be hellish.

Sometimes I don't get served in posh coffee shops because they think I'm uncouth although I'm actually highly refined. They just totally ignore me and serve the person behind me in the queue
 
Corpsey

Corpsey

bandz ahoy
I keep my private "intellectual" life almost completely separate from my social life, and I actually feel disgusted with myself when I try to articulate some of my privately cultivated ideas to friends. In my head and in my notebooks it seems worthwhile but when it comes out of my mouth it sounds like me pontificating and pretending to know about things I don't know anything about.

So for that reason there's a type of shallowness to socialising which I need solitude to make up for. But of course the thing is that this private thinking and writing and reading doesn't make me very happy. Whereas a few hours talking absolute shit in a pub with my friends does.

So again, there's this question in my head of whether I actually enjoy reading etc. or if I've just had to get into it to compensate for a social life which has disappeared because of my shyness.
 
shiels

shiels

_
Corpsey said:
I'm scared of other people (in the abstract).
Click to expand...

the idea of people is often much worse than they are in the flesh. I do a lot of talking myself out of seeing people and then feel a huge boost when i see them. otoh i do a sense of relief when they go.
 
yyaldrin

yyaldrin

in je ogen waait de wind
for me it was a revelation finding out that all the "cool" people were just people like me except they were either on coke or on antidepressants.
 
shiels

shiels

_
Corpsey said:
I keep my private "intellectual" life almost completely separate from my social life, and I actually feel disgusted with myself when I try to articulate some of my privately cultivated ideas to friends. In my head and in my notebooks it seems worthwhile but when it comes out of my mouth it sounds like me pontificating and pretending to know about things I don't know anything about.

So for that reason there's a type of shallowness to socialising which I need solitude to make up for. But of course the thing is that this private thinking and writing and reading doesn't make me very happy. Whereas a few hours talking absolute shit in a pub with my friends does.
Click to expand...

this could all be very different if you done lagers in greenwich
 
M

muser

Well-known member
I generally say that shyness is just a nice term for social anxiety, before its pathological. Ive always been a bit shy but much less so now, when I was young drinking a drugs always quickly put an end to any shyness for better or worse. I can happily go quite a while without socialising, don't really feel a burning need for it but when I do do it usually feel the better for it. All depends on the situation though, new people in an unusual social situation is stimulating at first but quickly becomes draining.
 
C

catalog

Well-known member
i am shy, i used to be one of those people who would overcome shyness by getting really wasted in social situations, so that i wouldn't have to deal with it, but that obviously led to more problems. that's one of the reasons i went sober approx 4 years ago.
 
luka

luka

Well-known member
Working out how to expand the parameters of the sayable without simply trampling people's boundaries is useful. As Corpsey says shock can be a useful strategy too though. It's all a question of giving yourself some air to breathe.
 
shiels

shiels

_
I get that wrong sometimes, i get frustrated at the pace and go very open, tease people too early etc, which can come across as arrogance
 
luka

luka

Well-known member
that is something I got much worse at over the years. I used to be the best horse whisperer of them all. I could sense exactly how much and how quickly. Psychedelics probably didn't help here at all.
 
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