The Great British Wank Bank

[IdleRich]

Jim was getting elegaic about eighties porn yesterday. wistfully recalling his days spent searching for stashes by railways sidings and in hedgerows. he says eighties porn was the best porn.

I think it's just what you see when you are that age. Just as everyone thinks that the music they grew up with is best, in the same way, years from now, there will be people who experienced their first "naughty vids" in 2022 talking about how those were the halcyon days of relatively innocent pornography.

"Now it's just too easy for everyone. When was a kid if you wanted pornography it wasn't beamed straight into your pleasure synapses the second you thought of it like it is now, you had to go to the trouble of picking up your phone and actually typing what you were after into a search engine. And, even after all that rigmarole, the stuff that was available would barely make a nun blush. Yes, in that day and age, when I was only five it did seem illicit, but really it was terribly tame, just be a load of bestial filth and gaping anuses - seems laughably quaint now of course, but believe it or not some people actually thought that something like that could affect someone, even tried to prevent young 'uns seeing it!"

But to properly talk about pornography we need people with expertise. And - apart form @Corpsey obviously - where are we gonna find deviants who have wasted enough of their life wanking that they have genuine indepth knowledge of pornography? Who is filthily perverse enough to join with him contribute here? I guess @WashYourHands now I come to think of it. And probably @luka and @Mr. Tea and definitely @craner is one of the worst. Obviously the Americans are all porn obsessives and you've only got to read a couple of @version 's posts to realise he's a complete degenerate... actually I'm beginning to realise that between us you lot probably know more about porn than almost any other subject...

 

[Mr. Tea]

Well I might as well field the question, since I'm up at this ungodly hour due to a bout of toddler illness, so here goes.

My favourite ultra-depraved, sicker-than-sick, niche porn fetish category - and those of a delicate disposition may wish to look away now, to spare themselves the horror - is: non-incest-themed.

Now not only is mind-bendingly revolting, it's also incredibly hard to get. But it is out there, if you look for it.

 

[luka]

i was just this second worrying that @Corpsey has disappeared and then i spot him viewing this thread! heavens be praised!

 

[Corpsey]

Had covid for close to two weeks now b2b existential angst b2b occasionally peering out of the curtains to see war breaking out etc. so obviously been wanking a lot lately. It isn't my happy place exactly but it's relatively stress free.

 

[luka]

2 weeks wtf why havent you been coming to see us?

 

[luka]

we'll cheer you up Jack

 

[luka]

well, version won't. he'll kick you while you're down. but everyone else will. are covid wanks any different to a normal wank?

 

[Corpsey]

2 weeks wtf why havent you been coming to see us?

It's hard to describe how fragile I've become since December, for whatever reason. It's like I had a protective layer torn off and now I'm massively oversensitive to things. I've been unable to read anything or watch anything but the most innocuous things. I've lost a stone just from not being able to eat. I've been an invalid. And COVID has sort of made that worse. I was turning a corner kind of before COVID and it kicked me back into a pit.

Citalopram and therapy are helping a bit. I need a change of perspective on life and death. But on the other hand I just don't want to think about death. Because it leads me down this path of fear and sadness.

I think not posting on here is just as symptomatic of something terribly awry as not being interested in reading or going to galleries or whatever you care to mention.

Just hoping I can get back to a sort of stability soon. A state where I'm not haunted by constant rumination and melancholy. A state where I can post Master and Commander memes.

 

[luka]

well give me your address and i will bring you a care package over to your house. i've got plenty of money at the moment its no bother.

 

[woops]

Citalopram and therapy are helping a bit.

stick with it @Corpsey

 

[version]

Yeah, hang in there.

 

[yyaldrin]

i hope you'll feel better soon corpsey ❤️

 

[IdleRich]

It's hard to describe how fragile I've become since December, for whatever reason. It's like I had a protective layer torn off and now I'm massively oversensitive to things. I've been unable to read anything or watch anything but the most innocuous things. I've lost a stone just from not being able to eat. I've been an invalid. And COVID has sort of made that worse. I was turning a corner kind of before COVID and it kicked me back into a pit.

Citalopram and therapy are helping a bit. I need a change of perspective on life and death. But on the other hand I just don't want to think about death. Because it leads me down this path of fear and sadness.

I think not posting on here is just as symptomatic of something terribly awry as not being interested in reading or going to galleries or whatever you care to mention.

Just hoping I can get back to a sort of stability soon. A state where I'm not haunted by constant rumination and melancholy. A state where I can post Master and Commander memes.

This makes me sad. What can we do?

 

[john eden]

Welcome back @Corpsey keep on keeping on.

 

[IdleRich]

I have been meaning to say - and I hope that this will be taken as a compliment - that two of the most memorable phrases I've ever read on dissensus came from Corpsey; always a solid writer of course, as are most, but a few times when discussion moved to his specialist subject it was as though he just went up a level (or more) and produced these raw and visceral descriptions that punched their way into my consciousness. Suffice to say, if I ever form s band, it will be called The Gaping Anuses.

 

[IdleRich]

The imagery... you know wildlife documentaries where mama bird comes back to the nest to feed her young, and they are all there, stretching upwards, yearning, mouths open wide...

I've got that image lodged in my head, except not cute fluffy fledglings, but rather horrible porn bumholes somehow next to each other, crying out to be filled.

 

[luka]

This makes me sad. What can we do?

LETS ALL DO A SYNCHRONISED WANK, THINKING OF HEALING JACK THE WHOLE TIME AND WE WILL ALL REACH WHITE HOT CLIMAXXX AT THE SAME TIME. THE FORCES UNLEASHED WILL BE INCOMPARABLE!

 

[luka]

LETS START AT 9PM AND WE WILL TIME OUR CLIMAXX FOR 9:03PM

 

[IdleRich]

I don't think you can cure a wanking issue with more wank.

 

[luka]

the wanking is just a symptom it's not the underlying problem. now focus on this image while you are arousing yourself. make sure you are fixed on it at the moment of orgasm.