"Minister 'only wanted massage'"
I'm imagining the mock-outraged look on the guy's face as he vainly protests his innocence. "I only wanted a massage, I mean it said 'massage parlour', and suddenly she'd grabbed my...I was shocked, I tell you! I had NO IDEA this sort of thing went on here!"
A puffin has been found at a sexual health clinic in Hampshire after it was thought to have been blown off course from its winter migration.
That's got to be from The Onion or something though hasn't it?