favourite headline ever

[slowtrain]

This one is OK:

http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/odd/10272985/arkansas-town-searching-for-toe-sucking-assailant/

 

[Mr. Tea]

Today's Daily Sport: POSTMAN PAT SEX TAPE SHAME

The mind boggles...

And another one for the appropriate journalist name: Sperm banks turn down redheads, writes Dick Orange.

 

[viktorvaughn]

Prolific Lesbian Burglars Thwarted By Lion

 

[viktorvaughn]

St. John the Baptist holds on for bounce-back win over Christ the King

 

[slowtrain]

Only One Monkey Remains Missing

This article is just.... what is going on.

 

[Mr. Tea]

Only One Monkey Remains Missing

This article is just.... what is going on.

Reminds me of the newspaper cuttings you can just see for a moment in the background at Project Mayhem HQ in Fight Club:

"Police seize 'excrement catapult' "

"Missing monkeys found shaved"

 

[Sectionfive]

 

[slowtrain]

Police: Naked couple fed LSD-laced gummy worm to dog

 

[Mr. Tea]

Police: Naked couple fed LSD-laced gummy worm to dog

That's definitely one of the best stories I've ever heard involving human nudity and the poisoning and eventual death of a dog. I'm not sure it's actually the best, though.

 

[e/y]

Lost puffin found at Winchester hospital sex clinic

 

[Slothrop]

Borderline off topic, but it's all going down in Cambridge:

http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/Hom...donna-and-child-at-hardware-shop-02122011.htm

 

[slowtrain]

I got a brilliant three punch piece in the paper the other day.

I would scan it if I could but these are the three headlines (all on the same page)

"Good Samaritan a child molester"

"Minister 'only wanted massage'"

"Dog shoots bird hunter"

 

[Mr. Tea]

"Minister 'only wanted massage'"

I'm imagining the mock-outraged look on the guy's face as he vainly protests his innocence. "I only wanted a massage, I mean it said 'massage parlour', and suddenly she'd grabbed my...I was shocked, I tell you! I had NO IDEA this sort of thing went on here!"

 

[slowtrain]

I'm imagining the mock-outraged look on the guy's face as he vainly protests his innocence. "I only wanted a massage, I mean it said 'massage parlour', and suddenly she'd grabbed my...I was shocked, I tell you! I had NO IDEA this sort of thing went on here!"

Apparently his friend organised a masseuse for his hotel room, and he didn't realise what it really was. When asked why he didn't leave once he realised, he said he had drunk too much and fell asleep.

 

[Sectionfive]

 

[Mr. Tea]

Lost puffin found at Winchester hospital sex clinic

The first para's quite good too:

A puffin has been found at a sexual health clinic in Hampshire after it was thought to have been blown off course from its winter migration.

 

[IdleRich]

Pie Sandwiches

 

[Sectionfive]

 

[IdleRich]

That's got to be from The Onion or something though hasn't it?

 

[Mr. Tea]

That's got to be from The Onion or something though hasn't it?

Probably just the Express. Their Dianamania is actually beyond parody.