The New Transparency

[Clinamenic]

i wonder what Stans friends are like? you come from LA art aristocracy so im picturing a very chichi group, huge wealth,
everyone outrageously beautiful

A dozen or so friends spread out across the country, most of whom I have thin, intermittent correspondence with. The last couple years I've been much more driven inward than outward. That said, they're all pretty normal, across middle class and upper middle class, none so vocationally bent on psychic progress as myself.

Another way to understand it, insofar as these things are useful, is that I'm more likely to succumb to FOBO (fear of being ordinary) than FOMO, the former pertaining to those who feel the need to stand out, and the latter pertaining to those who feel the need to fit in. Of course we could easily argue that everyone is some singular mix of the two.

But when any of them ask me what I've been up to, I have difficulty even knowing where to start, which is admittedly a problem. I've only just started to feel comfortable i.e. non-pretentious in saying that I'm doing a self-guided education program.

 

[Clinamenic]

I seem to be something of an alluring recluse, judging by the curiosity/talk generated by my presence. Heavily portentous.

My first word was allegedly "art", and my mom said that some psychic figure told her I would either go on to do great things or horrible things. Similarly heavy omens derived from astrological profiles made for me by other relatives, something having do with scorpio rising. I've mentioned here already that I share a birthday with Charles Manson, etc.

Very precocious statements made as a child, liked tinkering with defunct electronic components, all very good backstory in my opinion.

Three years ago, when I was in a phase of obsessively and compulsively recording my thoughts in a pocket notebook, I came to the realization that really I was writing for whoever would be studying this, be it in decades or centuries (but I think decades at the rate things are going, which is to say I may not die in obscurity!), and thus the complex progressed. It was an odd realization, one that persists even as I write this, seeing as this forum functions as an inhabited notebook or sorts.

Can also be seen as a reflection of personal entitlement and privilege, blown up by prefrontal neocortical hyperactivity, but naturally I would say it's much more important than that [edit: sarcasm]. Eagerly awaiting sufficient neuroscientific literacy to test this [edit: not sarcasm].

I suspect I land, diagnostically, somewhere on the functional end of some schizo/autistic-adjacent condition, for what such diagnostics are worth. But then again I would hesitate to posit such a thing, for risk of it being artificially cemented. That, plus a chain of LSD experiences, seems to account largely for my current psychic state.

I say this (re: diagnostics) partially because of the social disconnect I've always felt, partially because of how I spatially visualize information, and partially because of the connections I've read about between the neuro-atypical and the oracular/messianic/prophetic figures of history. When a frustration compromises my mind, I find myself despairing about spending eight more decades on a planet with eight billion psychic invalids, but such despair is fortunately short-lived as I put myself back in my place.

Anyway, to get back to the point, this all makes socializing somewhat tedious. That said, I seem to be able to come back down to earth and talk about video games and whatnot with childhood friends, and not without genuine interest, which I think is an important ability.

 

[luka]

My first word was allegedly "art", and my mom said that some psychic figure told her I would either go on to do great things or horrible things.

my money is on horrible things. how does your mum feel about you giving up art to dedicate yourself to zoning out in front of youtube lecure series?

 

[version]

 

[luka]

partially because of how I spatially visualize information,

this sort of thing i find interesting though. @poetix was saying something similar about how he turns information into vastly complex engineering diagrams in his mind.

 

[Clinamenic]

I wouldn't say I've given up art, but I am largely disinterested in conventional forms, in terms of doing them myself. I've been channelling that sort of effort, imperfectly no doubt, into these more cerebral projects, i.e. diagrammatic art, or information-dense compositions that leverage aesthetic appeal.

 

[Clinamenic]

this sort of thing i find interesting though. @poetix was saying something similar about how he turns information into vastly complex engineering diagrams in his mind.

Same. I can almost literally see diagrams and highly abstract (almost to the point of being unintelligible) components like arrows, axes, nodes, etc. even with my eyes open, as if I just tune out of the photoreceptive input and tune into a purely immanent space.

 

[Clinamenic]

I can, with imperfect lucidity, move through familiar spaces, like around the neighborhood, without closing my eyes, but this strikes me as something many people can do, perhaps with practice or perhaps naturally.

Or old first-person video game levels. I can mentally run through the series of frames that display as the player moves through the level.

 

[luka]

its pretty common among autisitics. poetix says thats part of the reason they are good at coding

 

[Clinamenic]

Same. I can almost literally see diagrams and highly abstract (almost to the point of being unintelligible) components like arrows, axes, nodes, etc. even with my eyes open, as if I just tune out of the photoreceptive input and tune into a purely immanent space.

What is even more interesting is that these diagrammatic components are often derived from / inspired by actual objects I am perceiving. Tough to articulate an example, but I'll try to think of one.

 

[version]

I've always been intrigued by the claims that certain drugs produce more 'mathematical' hallucinations, like 2C-B apparently inducing green grids for some as opposed to the fluid hallucinations that come with something like mushrooms.

 

[luka]

my friend had grids on her first dmt trip

 

[luka]

my mums bought me some garlic bread im going to put it in the oven but in my experience garlic bread is nowhere
near as good as it used to be. the garlic bread of my youth was a thing of joy and wonder.

 

[version]

I assume it's down to the user more than the drug and that people's view of something like 2C-B prior to taking it has an influence on the hallucinations. It's got a cool, scientific-sounding name and the experience follows suit.

 

[luka]

probably

 

[Clinamenic]

I'm slowly making progress in understanding physics and neuroscience, but already what I've learned is profound in regards to how we mechanistically perceive our environment via different molecules absorbing and emitting different wavelengths of photons, which we discern as color.

Totally, extropically alien from our convention mode of reality.

 

[luka]

my friend has just finished his masters in neuroscience he said he learned basically that its a load of rubbish

 

[Leo]

ok, Leo, you win, i will join your PR firm. where do i sign?

if you wanted to live a horrible, boring but well-paid life, you'd probably be really good at PR. you're highly articulate, know how to frame a discussion, perceptive on how to tweak content for target audiences, etc. but you'd probably be miserable, so don't do it.

 

[Clinamenic]

Same. I can almost literally see diagrams and highly abstract (almost to the point of being unintelligible) components like arrows, axes, nodes, etc. even with my eyes open, as if I just tune out of the photoreceptive input and tune into a purely immanent space.

On the less intelligible/mathematical end would be things like flows, rhythms/periodicities, enclosures, etc.

Very Deleuzian

 

[yyaldrin]

Same. I can almost literally see diagrams and highly abstract (almost to the point of being unintelligible) components like arrows, axes, nodes, etc. even with my eyes open, as if I just tune out of the photoreceptive input and tune into a purely immanent space.

sounds like you're the guy from a beautiful mind